Calvin Harris – “Feel So Close”

  Okay, I’m not even sure what to make of this one, but I’ll try my best.

  We start out with an image of some graffiti painted on the side of a giant rock that has probably been there for thousands of years, so that’s real environmentally-friendly and all, then we cut to Calvin riding around in a pickup truck, trying to find a decent station on the radio. And frankly, that’s the last thing that I really understand.

  Calvin pulls up to some place where a woman with violated clothing is sitting at a table and sucking down a beverage. She doesn’t look very happy, so she’s probably read the entire script and realizes that everybody is just going to have to wing it to make this work. Then we start jumping all over the place so that we can meet a lot of characters: A teen girl who loves music and dance, some guy doing something with a horse, and a pack of girls who find it necessary to drag an ancient stereo out onto the front lawn so they can practice cheerleading moves. Oh, and there’s something about a possible gang strutting down a clean-cut suburban street where gangs are probably not really appreciated.

  As if that wasn’t confusing enough, we now roll into a montage of these various people continuing to do these things that we don’t understand. The teen girl dances around her bedroom and eventually works her way out into the front yard, the horseman leads his horse to… somewhere that must be very important, and the cheerleaders pose and flip with a determination that could probably save the national economy if they were just focused on the right things.

  We check back in with Calvin, with him still sitting in his pickup and bellowing “I feel so close to you right now” while he watches from afar as the sad woman drinks her soda. Close? Can he not get out of the car and sit in one of the 400 empty chairs around her? I guess it doesn’t matter, because we zip back to check in on Ballet Girl, the Horse Whisperer, the cheerleaders who are too poor to practice in a real gym, and the Inappropriate Gang members who are taking up the whole suburban street and probably interfering with the boring common people who need to home in time for supper.

  Oh, and there’s another group of people that we keep flitting back to, a troupe of young adults (translation: they don’t know what the hell they want out of life yet so they just keep doing what feels good) as they march into some potential Burning Man location, lugging along a boom box and being unnecessarily exuberant. One of the girls in this mess has vibrant green hair. This will probably prove important at some point. Or maybe not.

  More random bits, then we see the Horse Whisperer wandering into what is presumably a bar. (No indication of what he might have done with the horse.) But before we can ask “Hey, is Trigger okay?” another rapid-fire montage kicks off (to accompany the sudden increased tempo of the song, so at least somebody on the production staff was paying attention). Most of this bit concerns the Burning Man wannabees who feel it necessary to climb all over those ancient rocks and revel in the rude graffiti and the fact that they apparently don’t have day jobs where they can actually earn an income.

  Another brief visit to the Horse Whisperer who is still at that bar, where something appears to be on fire but nobody seems to care, then we warp into an encounter between the Inappropriate Gang and the Poor Cheerleaders. Before we can ask “do any of you have a parent that actually cares?” we cut back to Calvin and the Sad Woman, with Calvin finally sitting at her actual table. They look really serious as they talk, so the conversation is probably about surprise pregnancies or global warming.

  Another visit with the Horse Whisperer, who seems to have found a drinking buddy who is just as cryptic as he is, which inspires Whispy to start fiddling with a lariat, creating these spinning rope-circles that he can then jump in and out of while people drink beer and cheer. This right here is probably why I’m not a cowboy. I don’t want to have to do anything fancy with my feet. Then we cut back to the Cheerleader vs. Gang smack-down, where everyone is invested in outperforming one another with flamboyant gymnastics. This did not happen in my high school in Oklahoma.

  Back to Calvin and Sad Girl, with Sad Girl suddenly running toward Calvin’s pickup while loose pieces of paper  that weren’t there in the previous scenes are flying in the air all around her. Ballet Girl wanders into a municipal dump that is apparently located next door, and she begins to do odd things with abandoned Barbie dolls. This kicks off another montage, with us revisiting all of the characters even though nobody raised their hand that they wanted to do so. Rope-spinning, back-flipping, toe-pointing, rock-climbing, you get the idea. Oh, and Sad Girl just might be getting an engagement ring from Calvin. Not clear, but her triumphant pose whilst leaning against his pickup sure seems to indicate such.

  Well, maybe not. Now we have Calvin and Sad driving along in his pickup, and even though she’s singing the words of the song along with him, she still looks very unhappy. (I guess some people can never be satisfied in a place where the wind blows the sand around 24-7.) But before we can ask “why don’t you just leave?” we return to Ballet Girl who has decided it’s completely imperative that she wander out into a busy street and perform pirouettes. Not to be outdone, Horse Whisperer launches into a really dramatic part of his rope-spinning that causes laughing, drunken women to look at him with considerable lust in their eyes. These people really need to get out more.

  And then we roll into a final montage, with one member of the cheerleaders finding love in all the wrong places with one of the gang members (just like Romeo and Juliet!), Sad Girl decides it’s perfectly okay to shove her ass through the passenger window of Calvin’s pickup and wave her hands in the air like she just don’t Nair, Whispy jacks up his rope-spinning (still no word on the horse), the Burning Man folk don’t really do anything worth reporting, and Ballet Girl continues to dance her way to stardom despite the sand and the lack of an audience.

  And I’m voting for her to win. You?

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