We start out with Jessie and his infamous girl standing in front of a brick wall, where he is claiming her as a possession by spray-painting “Jessie’s Girl” on said wall. Because nothing says true love like random acts of vandalism, right? Girl runs into Jessie’s arms, so proud that she’s finally hooked up with a man that can spell.
Cue Rick to wander into the frame from the left, wearing a Members Only jacket and sperm-killing jeans. He warbles the tune for a bit as he watches the happy couple run off to kick over some trashcans or whatever, then Rick suddenly turns to face the camera in a dramatic move that he probably picked up during his days on “General Hospital”.
The rest of Rick’s band magically appears in front of the graffiti wall, and they jam for roughly two seconds before the other guys disappear and it’s just Rick, wearing a Billy Joel suit. Whoops, band is back. (This is some really high-tech editing. Yay!)
Oh wait, now the band is somewhere else, and Rick has changed clothes again. He’s wearing suspenders now, disproving the current theory that no one ever actually wore those things except Robin Williams. More jamming, with Rick looking completely stiff and pawing at his guitar like he’d never even held one before someone handed it to him just as the cameras started rolling.
Cut to a close-up of Girl’s eyes, then to Rick back in the Members Only jacket, watching as Jessie and Girl flirt briefly and then run off to another part of the unexplained garden that we are now in. Jessie watches them go, all sad, then he stiff-legs it in the other direction because his jeans won’t allow him to bend at the knees.
Back to Rick and the band in front of the graffiti wall, with the band appearing and disappearing while Rick shows us that he’s wearing tennis shoes with his suit, because he is SO beyond cool. Wait, now we’re over in that other place where Rick and his band are jamming. Rick’s lost the suspenders at this point, so that’s good, but we spend a really long time with the camera crammed in Rick’s face so every boy in high school at that time can study and copy Rick’s hairstyle. And they did.
Now we’re in Rick’s (or at least somebody’s) bathroom, where he’s washing his face in the sink. (Look how far Rick has to bend over to get to this sink. That thing is low. Do you have to follow a yellow brick road to get to this apartment?) Suddenly, Rick is playing a guitar in this bathroom (makes sense, right?) and gazing in the mirror, where we can see an image of Girl, who is clearly not interested in looking back at him. He gets fed up with the non-attention, and finally shoves the guitar into the mirror, glass shattering. Guess he won’t be getting his deposit back.
Close-up of Rick trying to play the guitar, interspersed with repeat viewings of Rick destroying the bathroom mirror, so they must have spent a lot of money on that shot and want to make sure we see it.
And once again we have Rick in his skinny suit, with the band trying to look professional behind him. And more shots of the band in that other place, with Rick standing next to Where’s Waldo. Close-up of Rick’s face to ensure us that if you cut your hair like his, you really don’t have to know how to play a guitar. Midway through this bit, Rick does another one of his “General Hospital” moves, like he’s just informed one of his patients that she does indeed have an incurable case of gastritis.
They finish up the song, and then the camera pans over to Jessie and Girl sitting in what looks like a really cheesy movie theater. Girl doesn’t appear to be having much fun, but this might have something to do with the white dog that is sitting three rows up, wearing a shirt and tie and staring at the movie screen like it’s a “Lassie” retrospective.
I don’t even wanna touch that part…
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