We start off with
a montage of images as Pitbull is using his Announcer Voice to introduce Havana
who, based on the glowing praise that Pitbull is tossing her way, apparently
invented the solar system or something. We have strobe-lights flashing as
Havana, or possibly Audrey Hepburn, sashays into what might be a fancy
nightclub or a very progressive church. Since Pitbull is involved, it’s most likely
a nightclub, because I’ve never seen him anywhere else. Does he even own a
house?
This opening
montage includes the first scenes of Havana and Pitbull standing in front of an
intricately-carved door, striking various poses while fans blow air everywhere
and stylists are on standby in case something unsexy should happen with the
couture. The door must be very important in some way, because we keep coming
back to the two of them perched in front of it. Are there record executives on
the other side, trying to figure out who else Pitbull can do a duet with before
he sets a new record?
It takes Havana a
very long time to make her way down the entrance hallway, indicating some type
of navigational issue, but once she enters the inner sanctum, people start
dancing and screaming and looking beautiful. In the mean time, we also get
shots of Havana wearing what will become two of her signature outfits for the
video: a flimsy beige number that might qualify as sleepwear in a bordello and
this red ensemble that includes an aggressive bow tied in her hair. More on
those items later.
Havana finally
starts to actually sing (in front of the mystical door, naturally), with
Pitbull beside her either doing some minimalist choreography or motioning to
one of his handlers that something itches. Then we zip over to Hair-bow Havana,
as she sits on a red throne and vocalizes. It seems that her voice (or possibly
the way she can’t sit still) inspires everyone around her to initiate an orgy
right there on the dance floor. We have writhing bodies and expressions of
ecstasy piled all over the place. This is not your grandpa’s VFW hall.
This goes on for
a bit, in case we didn’t get it at first that Havana makes everyone horny,
mixed in with shots of Havana somewhere else, wearing enough jewelry that she
will never get through airport security in time to make her flight. Hair-bow
Havana does look especially pleasing
on that throne, and the orgy participants nearest the royal seat keep reaching
over to paw Havana and show their appreciation. Or maybe they just need extra
condoms, because this place is pretty busy.
Then we roll our
way into a sequence where Havana is doing a Madonna tribute by wallering around
on some floor whilst wearing what could be a wedding dress. It’s not really
clear what’s going on, because they are using a spotlight that only lets us see
bits of Havana at one time, because getting the whole enchilada at once might
cause us to lose our minds with lust.
Oh wait, some of
her friends from the Orgy Dance Floor have joined her, and there’s more pawing.
It must be nice to have companions that will pet you on command. This segment
also goes on for a while, with Havana apparently unable to get off that floor,
to the point that they should probably call in a specialist. But Havana doesn’t
seem to mind being on her back for such an extended amount of time, so they
just let her writhe around until she’s motivated to do something else.
And really,
that’s about it, folks. We’ve been introduced to all the locales and outfits,
and from here on out it’s a busy mix of those same ingredients: the Pitbull
duet in front of the door, the royal orgy in the nightclub and Havanadonna on
the floor. To be fair, there’s a lot to look at, because everyone is so
energetic and their libidos are fully-charged, but it’s safe to assume that the
script for this thing could have fit on the back of a postage stamp.
Pitbull returns
to the mix, of course, with a long bit in front of the special door, where he
does his usual spiel about being too sexy for this planet and how a female is
not a true woman until they’ve ridden the Pitbull Express. But the red jacket
he’s wearing is a nice touch, and it coordinates just right with the ribbon on
Hair-Bow Havana. Too bad they’re never in the same scene together so that we
can fully admire the matching colors.
He also spends
some time getting rather intimate with Havana, but I’m assuming this is a
package deal when it comes to Pitbull. (If you’ve met Pitbull, you’ve met his
tongue, what else can I say?) Then he flips us off and demands his paycheck. 17
seconds of work and he expects to be paid. Is he a Republican?
Then we cut to
Havana being a DJ and running the soundboard. Perhaps she does this in real
life, so I can’t comment on whatever skills she might actually have in this
department, but I think the real reason she’s doing it now is so the editors
can jack with the video and create three images of DJ Havana rocking the house.
Which they promptly do, so that it looks like an army of Havanas has taken over
a disco near you. Again with the fairness, Havana looks quite luscious as she
fiddles with knobs and pumps her fist in the air, so seeing three of her doing
that is not such a bad thing.
(That sound you
just heard was Pitbull running to his handlers and demanding that he be
replicated in his next project. More to have sex with, right?)
And from here on
out we’ve seen it all. Simulated sex, constant bouncing, Pitbull. We do seem to
spend an inordinate amount of time checking in with Havanadonna on that floor,
but she still appears to be having a good time at that lower altitude so we
really shouldn’t judge. And it becomes increasingly clear that all of the
Havanas really like to touch their various body parts, but since this ability
seems to be a requirement for emerging musical artists these days, we can’t
really blame her for that mess, either. She’s obviously studied her craft, and
her erogenous zones, very well.
The last bit of
the video involves DJ Havana whipping out a sledgehammer and destroying one of
the turntables. This is completely unexpected, and I’m not sure what the
message might be, especially since the turntable she suddenly hates is
responsible for playing the music that is giving her a career. Then again, I
don’t have the special talent of being able to cause crowds of people to have
sex just by the way I can sit on a throne or wear a ribbon in my hair, so I’ll
just assume that Havana has her reasons for getting psychotic with the sound
system.
The video ends
with Havana thrusting the deadly hammer into the air and looking sultry. (That
sound you just heard was Pitbull demanding that his handlers run to Home Depot
and get supplies for his next project…)
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