Sunday, February 13, 2011

One Republic - “Stop And Stare”

Hoo boy, this is a busy, cryptic video, so let’s get crackin’…

We start off out in the desert somewhere, with nothing much to look at except a lonely road and an odd doorknob. Suddenly, Ryan Tedder appears out of nowhere, moseying along through the underbrush with a hoodie pulled over his head, making him look a little creepy. Quick shots of a hotel room door (number 13!) and Ryan lying under green water in a bathtub. Something tells me this is not going to be a happy video, filled with cute, furry animals and pretty women who sing while they iron.

As Ryan nears what appears to be an ancient preacher standing next to a grave, we get more doom-filled flashes of hotel doors and somebody watching static on a TV. Ryan gets to the preacher and we see the grave is freshly-dug, with no one it. Ryan takes a gander into the hole, which is not something that I would recommend. There are no witnesses out her except the preacher and some scorpions. Anything could happen.

Flash to Ryan ringing the bell at the hotel front desk, then a very quick shot of a very pregnant woman, apparently in the back of a speeding car. I think it’s Ryan driving, but Ryan is also back in that hotel lobby, where no one is answering a ringing phone even though there are about 20 people outside the hotel, staring at Ryan like they would like him served on a platter with an apple in his mouth. I don’t like those people.

As the stupid phone continues to ring (why do some idiot callers stay on the line that long, when it’s clear that whoever you are calling is not interested?) we get a bunch more flashes of gloomy things, focusing on that empty grave where Ryan is still standing, even though he’s also driving a car and sitting in a hotel lobby. In that hotel, we watch the front door slowly close on its own. Uh oh. This is the signal that smart people should run like hell and stupid people should start having random sex just before they are impaled on a farm implement.

At the grave, that Ryan splits into two, so one of them can start walking away and the other can continue staring into the open pit while preacher man continues to not explain anything. Staring Ryan starts singing, while Non-Singing Ryan goes wandering off and finds the mysterious hotel where people don’t answer phones. Wait, he’s already inside, looking really serious while sitting on the end of a bed. Meanwhile, the rest of the band is playing their instruments in another hotel room. Don’t any of these people understand that they have more important things to be doing? Like running for their lives?

Well, now we’ve got Ryan joining his band-mates in that questionable hotel room, and his pals don’t seem to notice that Ryan is still wearing his satanic hoodie and looking kind of grim. They jam for a bit, then we cut to Ryan performing massage on a wall with wood paneling. Then back to the band, where we are treated to shots of Ryan’s footwear. This is yet another indication that people should quit screwing around and just run, but nobody does.

More shots of those creepy people outside the hotel, the Parents of the Corn, as more of them flock to the hotel so they can stare with evil intentions whilst wearing ugly clothes. There’s quite a few of them now, so it might be too late to escape. But the band doesn’t care, insisting on giving a free concert instead of saving their asses. It looks like the band is performing in Room 13, which we already know from earlier scenes that this is a bad place and we might need more old preachers and freshly-dug graves before the night is through.

Oh look, two of the Parents of the Corn seem to be in love, holding on to each other while they wait for the proper moment to eat humans alive, so that’s kind of sweet, unless you happen to be one of the people on the Cannibal Menu. Then we have Ryan singing in that hotel lobby again, even though he doesn’t look happy to be there, followed by Ryan singing while standing in the crowd of Corn People. What the hell is he doing out there? Ryan really needs to make up his mind about whether he’s good or evil.

The band keeps playing, because they don’t care, even if the room service is crappy because the staff is busy being zombies walking the face of the Earth because Hell is full.

We check up on the amazingly pregnant woman in that car, and we get confirmation that Ryan is indeed driving the car. (That dude is one busy guy.) He tries to assure his passenger that everything is going to be alright, but it’s a little hard to have faith in his words while they keep showing images of that manic preacher and Ryan floating in a bathtub. To make it even more complicated, we keep getting shots of Ryan’s shoes. Why are we seeing that? How is that helping in any way? Wait, are the video producers in on this? Are they Parents of the Corn? OMG!

Now we start jumping around all over the place. It’s bad enough that no one is really paying attention to the deviltry happening around this sleazy hotel, but it’s even worse when some editor that drinks too much coffee is whip-sawing through all the venues so that we can’t really figure out what’s going on. I want to warn the innocents, but I’m not really sure who they are any more. But I’m going to guess that anybody who is just standing around and staring blankly is not my friend.

Non-Singing Ryan is still wandering through the dusty landscaping, that woman is still pregnant, and the preacher man is still not explaining who is supposed to be in the grave. Suddenly, we see Car-Driving Ryan With The Pregnant Woman racing toward Meandering Ryan Who Stupidly Wandered Onto The Road. This can’t be good. Car-Driving Ryan tries to slam on the brakes, but Meandering Ryan doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to avoid death. What the hell is wrong with these people that they can’t move fast when their life is in danger? God.

The Parents of the Corn just watch the impending road kill with blank expressions and non-movement.

Cut to Sitting On The Bed Ryan, who is still watching that stupid TV that doesn’t work. Then the TV bursts into flames, so the reception quality no longer really matters. Back to Staring Ryan and the Pointless Preacher, with nobody actually in the grave yet, so that bit is starting to get old. More of the burning TV and Sitting Ryan staring at his hands, like that’s going to help in any way, then more scenes with the band banging away on their instruments and not caring that ugly cannibals have growling stomachs.

Then we’re back on that road where one Ryan is about to run down another Ryan with his car, but Driving Ryan manages to stop just before we have Ryan butter. The brain-dead zombie people notice that maybe you don’t really have to kill people to have a good time, and they ponder about this. The final images are of Bathtub Ryan breaking the surface of the eerie green water and sucking in some oxygen, which causes Staring Ryan to disappear from the side of the still empty grave. Preacher Man looks really sad that he doesn’t get to bury anybody after all, and he wasted a lot of time reading from the Bible and stuff…

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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