Adele - “Set Fire To The Rain”

  Note: This was recorded live at the Royal Albert Hall. Adele supposedly suffers from tremendous stage fright, but you sure can’t tell from this stunning performance. However, if you study the video carefully, you can still find odd subliminal messages scattered about, and I’m here to help you find them. (But seriously, the jokes are pretty lame with this entry because I was too mesmerized by her singing. You’ll probably have a better time if you just scroll down and click to watch the video…)

0:03  Happy people have clearly been drinking.

0:07  Somebody in the front row has a question about Mongolian stir-fry.

0:16  A thermonuclear device has been hidden near the drummer.

0:24  Adele has arranged for a solar eclipse to take place directly behind her, which is very thoughtful of her.

0:33  Apparently they grow giant mushrooms on the ceiling of Royal Albert Hall. Who knew?

0:38  Too many tequila shots can lead to inappropriate behavior.

0:45  Why  is Karl Rove here?

0:54  Possibly the longest neck ever on a human being.

1:01  Somebody got a really good deal on lampshades at Pottery Barn.

1:15  Unfortunate lipstick choice. Poor thing.

1:28  Seriously, the alcohol must really be flowing in this place.

1:39  The backup singers appear to be practicing the backstroke, unaware that they are not in a swimming pool at the moment.

2:03  Rude audience member is either double-flipping someone off or having a small orgasm.

2:10  Gratuitous cleavage shot, even in an Adele video. What has the world come to?

2:18  Okay, those backup vocalists are far too invested in whatever it is that they are doing with their arms.

2:29  Why do we keep seeing this same woman in the audience as she sings along? If she’s somebody important, why is she in the back row? And who did that to her hair?

2:34  I think I saw this in a porn movie once. (Research purposes, of course.)

3:00  I still don’t understand why those backup singers have to be so energetic.

3:17  And now we have a small UFO landing off to the right of the stage. You certainly get the bonus plan when you buy an Adele ticket.

3:31  This does not look like the face of a woman that you should irritate. Ever.

3:36  Is that man wearing clogs?

3:43  Adele confirms her album’s world-wide ranking.

3:57  Great. Adele’s voice blew a circuit-breaker again.


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Adele - “Someone Like You”

  We start out with the camera rolling backwards on a sidewalk in what is most likely Paris, with the lovely River Seine on the right. It’s all black-and-white and artsy, as the intro piano-work is playing, so you know we aren’t going to have any line dances in this one. Eventually we catch up with Adele, her long hair blowing in the sad breeze, her eyes cast downward because people have made her unhappy once again and she needs to sing about it.

  So she does, breaking into the haunting vocals as she strolls along. (Vocals which, funning aside for the moment, get me every time.) Adele keeps glancing off to the side, and it’s not clear if she’s looking at the director or if she’s just trying to keep from falling in the river. The camera pulls back some more, so we can see that someone has picked out a very interesting outfit for Adele, brooding but smart. There are zippers in odd places, and I find this very fetching.

  Adele and her outfit walk for a very long time, with the river quietly accompanying her and absolutely no other people in sight, so there must have been a wine and cheese festival in Bordeaux this same weekend. Then again, Adele is notoriously afraid of performing live, so she may have asked the mayor to lock everyone in their houses until she got to the end of the song. There are amazing things you can arrange when you have money.

  The camera zooms back in when Adele is belting the chorus, so we can see in her eyes that she’s still not happy with whoever done her wrong, despite warbling lyrics about how she’s moved on and we’re all good friends now. I’m thinking you probably don’t want to get on Adele’s bad side, especially if she’s had a shot or two of tequila. Then the moment passes and the camera starts spinning around to show that Adele has managed to wander into a nice square where you can see lots of local landmarks, like the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and little bistros where people would be sipping café au lait if anybody was actually in town.

  The camera finds Adele again as she’s marching away from us across a bridge that is probably older than most countries. She might be upset with us for getting all touristy and distracted, but she doesn’t explain anything and just makes us walk behind her for a while. (There aren’t any zippers on the back of her outfit, so I’m a little disappointed, but the angle does kind of remind me of Wynona Judd, only without the extra relative that doesn’t sing as well.)

  Adele pauses in the middle of the bridge to review some boats on the river, managing to continue singing without moving her lips, so she has even more talent than we suspected. She does this for a bit, then she and her lips start moving again along the bridge. The camera’s in front of her once more, and Adele gives us some more of those piercing glances to remind us that she hasn’t completely forgiven us for doing whatever we did to make her write a song about it and move to Paris.

  This is apparently a very long bridge, because girl trudges along for a couple of hours, all the time bellowing about heartbreak and redemption and not getting hit by the tiny little cars that would normally be zipping over this bridge if that cheese festival hadn’t been happening. At one point, the camera starts to drift away again, but Adele forces it back on her windswept tragedy and paleness.

  Then we switch to a close-up of Adele’s eyes, with this image overlaid on more scenes of the famous landmarks. (This is probably the part of the video intended to satisfy the European audiences, because Americans are uncomfortable with symbolism and the lack of explosions in their entertainment.) This is followed by Adele staring blankly in one direction while a man walks away behind her. Wait, who is he? Is he the one that made her cry?

  Guess we won’t find out. The camera does another arty 360-degree pan of our unclear and murky surroundings (Are we in a restaurant? Is that a wine bottle? Why would someone leave food in the window? How much are we supposed to tip?) until we get back to the mysterious walking-away man. Then we spin again, in case we missed something on the first tour.

  The camera finally comes to rest on Adele once more, with her still blankly staring and her departed lover still departing. Maybe it’s time for that shot of tequila…


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Adele - “Rolling In The Deep”

We start off with Adele sitting in a chair, in what might be a hotel conference room, as long as that hotel is somewhere vaguely European. It seems we have some remodeling going on in this hotel, since some of the furniture is covered in plastic and such, but nobody is standing around explaining anything, so who knows. What we DO know is that Adele is sporting a hair bun that could easily take over the planet. This makes me a little tense.

We start getting jump shots of a Ninja Woman in another room where there seems to be mounds of snow on the floor. It’s not clear if this is an artsy statement about local weather conditions or an advertisement about the availability of inhalant drugs in this community. Cut to a shot involving thousands of water glasses covering the floor of an otherwise nondescript lobby in said hotel. This makes me think that lazy waiters have not adequately attended to parched customers in the hotel restaurant, and it saddens me.

Then we have a drummer, banging on his instruments while shoved under an obscure staircase. Has he been bad? Is he in timeout? Or does he just not understand that this is probably not an appropriate place to beat on things?

More shots of the brimming water glasses. This is potentially important, I’m just not sure why.

At 35 seconds into the fun, we have a tribute to R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” video, with crinkled paper taped to a wall. This is very cool, if they planned it. Not so much if they didn’t. And why is Adele unable to get up from her chair?

Oh look, that Ninja Woman has had enough of the snow, and she starts to… I’m not sure what she’s doing. I don’t know if that’s a leaf blower or a walking cane, but she’s using it in a violent manner on the pretty snowflakes. I think there might be some issues that we don’t comprehend, and probably shouldn’t question. Just let the woman work it out.

Meanwhile, Adele’s hair bun continues to dominate the world.

Okay, we start getting glimpses of some shattered crockery piled up on the floor. It’s never a good sign when you encounter mounds of violated dinnerware, but let’s see where this goes. Well, it seems that somebody is at the top of a staircase and hurling cups and saucers at a convenient screen thing, which is resulting in the pottery mess on the floor. Since we can’t see the person destroying things while trying to remain hidden and escape blame, I’m going to guess this person is Sarah Palin.

Jump shots of culinary destruction, Adele still captive in her chair, twirling Ninja Woman with the attitude, and that drummer who really doesn’t understand that he’s probably not in the right spot.

Oh, and more shots of the glasses. The creepy water glasses all lined up and staring at us with their uniformity and rabbit-like population explosion. And not a single one of them has a lemon wedge. I really don’t care for those things. Just say no.

This goes on for a while. Hair bun, plate-smashing, Ninja ballet and confused drummer. Again, I’m sure it all means something, I just didn’t take the right classes in college.

Finally, something new, with the camera zooming in on what might be a model of the New York City skyline, arranged on a fancy table in a room with discarded deer antlers piled on the left side. Before we have enough time to study the model and figure out where the best subway entrances might be, we have to go back and check up on Bun, Ninja, Drummer, and Glasses. They all seem to still be invested in their original assignments, so we don’t learn anything new.

Brief shot of some ceiling medallions involving man-horses shooting arrows at unseen targets. I’m going to guess that this symbolizes record producers. Or maybe Adele just has a fondness for beastly men with archery skills. Who knows.

Suddenly, back at the NYC Skyline Table, somebody sets off what might be sparklers on the ceiling, and flaming bits of some such shower down on the buildings. That’s nice. Like the people of New York appreciate reminders that crap can fall from the sky and force them to make updates in their daily planners. Oh, and it gets better. While Bun, Ninja, Drummer and Crockery continue to cavort, some of the model buildings actually catch on fire and melt. Insensitivity, much?

Then again, I wasn’t asked to participate in the planning sessions for this video, probably because I drink too much and they knew I would take too long to answer my emails. So it’s entirely possible that I’ve missed the boat here, with Adele and her producers focused on a vision that has nothing to do with terrorists and disruption of wireless service, and more to do with an embittered woman getting her musical revenge whilst trapped in a hotel where thirsty people are not satisfied.

Final shot is of Adele and her belligerent hair sitting in silence, staring at the floor. Probably wondering just how the hell they are going to pay yet another hotel bill where some fool thought it would be fun to throw plates down a staircase…


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