Monday, April 16, 2012

Jessie J - “Domino”

  Note: This video is just Jessie on a single stage, singing and wearing a ton of different outfits, with the images delivered in a rapid-fire style that is truly remarkable from an editing standpoint, but a nightmare when it comes to telling a story. So we’ll just do the time-stamp thing with this one. (Time-stamps are approximate. That editor was firing off shots at about three per second…)

0:02  Jessie appears from behind Don King’s hair.

0:11  Jessie may have had vampire bats somewhere in her ancestry.

0:17  What is that puffy thing in her crotch?

0:20  Subtle orgasm #1.

0:25  Did Laura Ashley’s Goth sister just explode in here?

0:31  Cleopatra, before that stupid snake ruined everything.

0:42  Tribute to Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.

0:47  Perhaps she shouldn’t scrunch up her face like that.

0:53  Jessie as Butterfly Girl, the tragic 18th century courtesan who drank way too much absinthe.

1:05  Jessie really insists that you not come any closer.

1:07  Jessie shouldn’t stand like this if she wants people to take her seriously. (But I’m sure the Oompa Loompas love it.)

1:11 The evil side of Jessie laughs as a laser beam destroys the left half of the audience.

1:16  Subtle orgasm #2.

1:22  When did Kelly  Clarkson get here?

1:27  I guess somebody hung on to that Bedazzler contraption from back in the day.

1:31  Jessie is attacked by an angry alphabet.

1:42  And now we have Courtney Love dropping by. Did somebody leave a door open somewhere?

1:46  Ma-DON-na. Tick tock tick tock.

1:53  Jessie helps a very small plane land.

2:01  Great. Now we have three of them.

2:06  Jessie is trying out for the new Cirque du Soleil production of Madame Butterfly.

2:10  I’m trying, but I just can’t think of anything to say about the pink pajamas. Words fail.

2:17  And now we have Sally from Third Rock. Somebody needs to close that door, stat.

2:22  Did you need some Gas-X, honey? Hang on.

2:29  Wig a little itchy, girl?

2:33  Yep, I’m counting down Rick Santorum’s time in the spotlight as well.

2:47  I don’t think your arms are supposed to do that. Right?

2:50  Did your pantyhose just flat-line?

3:00  Ally Sheedy in a really bad mood.

3:04  And subtle orgasm #3.

3:10  If you spin her, I hope she lands on black.

3:13  Lily Tomlin, as a child.

3:21  I don’t care how much of a tantrum you throw, I’m not buying you the Barbie Malibu camper.

3:32  I don’t think I’d use that one as your profile pic.

3:35  And the last of our guest stars, Ashley Olsen.

3:45  What do you mean I have to quit singing now?

3:49  The power of Jessie’s booty completely destroys the soundstage.

End trans.

Click Here to Watch this Video on YouTube.

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