Wednesday, April 11, 2012
T-Pain, Lily Allen, Wiz Khalifa - “5 O’Clock”
Note: This is another video where there’s really not a whole lot happening, so we’ll have to do the time-stamp thing and search for little nuggets of insight as we bop along…
0:05 T-Pain is startled to find something in his pocket that is moving.
0:07 T-Pain does some product placement for a nifty wireless phone that you can see through. That sound you just heard is 400 million people on the planet racing to get their own version of this phone so they can be street and all.
0:14 Lily Allen makes her first appearance, in an odd shot that makes her look like a really tired babysitter or a heroin addict. I guess she’s all about being stark and pale.
0:17 T-Pain exits some place that, judging by the door he’s closing behind him, appears to be a monastery. I’m thinking someone might have misunderstood something in the script.
0:23 Lots of people are walking down a small street that looks suspiciously like that place in Spain where people get wired up by smashing tomatoes and then letting bulls run free and kill slow people.
0:27 Now that same street is empty, with just T-Pain moseying along in a designer raincoat. This is what happens when you are a famous recording star, people are forced to find a different way home when you decide to go for a walk.
0:35 T-Pain, still walking, and hopefully heading to wherever Lily Allen is babysitting, because she really didn’t look too happy about doing that.
0:43 T-Pain suddenly looks behind him and glares at someone who hasn’t bought one of his CD’s.
0:51 Now T-Pain is riding in a bicycle-driven carriage of some kind. I have no idea what this means, but there are little bits of yellow warning tape stuck all over the black bars of the carriage. (Is this a tribute to Wiz Khalifa or is this a really dangerous carriage that T-Pain should avoid?)
0:54 Another fuzzy shot of Lily’s chin.
1:00 A shot of the pedaling feet of the driver of the carriage. His shoes don’t look very happy, either. Why are people so depressed and unfocused in this video?
1:06 T-Pain stares at what might be a church in the distance. Is he not allowed to go in there? Is he a vampire? And if so, what team is he on? So many questions…
1:11 Lily looking sad in a chair. Girl really needs to get some new moves.
1:17 Another Lily chin shot. Ditto.
1:32 Lily leans against a wall and texts someone, because walking AND texting is far too complicated for anybody to have to put up with in modern society. The poor thing.
1:39 T-Pain is still in that carriage business. You know the bicycle guy is really regretting not finishing high school.
1:45 T-Pain is now walking past an apparent whorehouse, with scantily-clad nymphets posing in windows. Despite him trying to appear all faithful with the lyrics of the song, I’m thinking the dude really needs to explain why he has to walk past places where sluts are pressed against glass.
1:53 Wait, why is T-Pain back in the carriage. Was the editor drunk?
2:07 I don’t know where T-Pain is supposed to be standing in this shot, but there appears to be a side of beef dangling on the right side of the screen. Does he own cattle?
2:11 Lily fiddles with a big bowl of something that she really doesn’t want to eat.
2:21 T-Pain is singing to the side of beef. I guess this is something you really only understand if you can afford designer raincoats.
2:30 Some more product placement, this time involving a bottle of something called “Nuvo”. Did En Vogue get back together and release a line of perfume?
2:38 Shot of the back of Wiz Khalifa as he walks down a street. That dude is tall and looks like he hasn’t eaten since 1987.
2:45 T-Pain is back at that naughty-lady house. He really needs to get out of there if he ever expects Lily and her chin to respect him again.
2:55 Lily looking sad on a couch. Girl really needs to speak to somebody about adjusting her medication.
3:04 More of T-Pain in the carriage, more drunk editing.
3:12 Wait, is that the Uni-Bomber walking down the street? Did he get out early?
3:20 T-Pain and Wiz cross paths outside the bordello. Am I missing something about this part of town? Why is everybody there?
3:34 Wiz starts rapping his part of the song, which has something to do with… I’m not sure. Something about nudity and apparent truckloads of women that can’t wait have sex with him.
3:44 Wiz poses outside that cathouse, with the window-girls gyrating like they want nothing more than to break out of their little prisons and offer up their treasures.
3:52 Just me, or does Wiz look like Spike Lee, only taller? Wait, where has Spike been lately? Interesting…
3:56 Lily’s chin, because we haven’t seen it in a while and it’s a little lonely.
4:06 T-Pain in that damn carriage again. Why does he keep getting back in that thing when he knows Lily is expecting him in her House of Disappointment and Loss?
4:16 Wiz is rapping again, this time about not understanding why women don’t want sex every waking moment.
4:20 Shot of T-Pain racing down a sidewalk. (Now he’s in a hurry? Lily has been pining for him since the Mayflower hit that stupid rock…)
4:26 T-Pain lets himself into Lily’s sad penthouse, looking all furtive and stuff, taking off his designer raincoat so we can see that he’s wearing a sweater that just might represent the flag of one of those new countries that were created when the Soviet Union broke up.
4:35 T-Pain wanders into part of Lily’s penthouse that just screams “I must make more money than God if I can afford this place”.
4:37 T-Pain pauses to slap his translucent phone into a docking station, reminding us that we need to run out and get one or our lives will be meaningless.
4:45 T-Pain joins sad Lily on her sad bed, with the docking station showing that it’s only “5:01AM”, implying that he’s only a minute late. Really? Here’s the deal, if anybody shows up in my grill anywhere near five o’clock in the morning, there’s going to be harsh words and somebody getting beaten with an alarm clock. But that’s just me….
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.