Thursday, September 22, 2011

Rihanna, Avril Lavigne - “Cheers (Drink To That)”

Note: This is apparently Rihanna’s “personal cut” of the video, with random snippets of concert scenes, bits of what might be vacation footage, shots of people in serious need of rehab, and anything else she could find where she and her friends look cute. So we’ll do the time-stamp thing…

0:03 Over-eager and possibly drunken fans chanting Rihanna’s name because someone has turned a camera on them and people act a fool when that happens.

0:10 Rihanna does her own makeup? Who knew? (And why?)

0:13 Fireworks in the sky. Or an angel having an orgasm. You decide.

0:20 Rihanna driving a car somewhere. (That girl has some serious amounts of billowing hair, how can she see where she’s going?)

0:32 First of an amazing number of crotch and booty shots.

0:35 A scantily-clad Rihanna appeals to a higher power to help her get through yet another concert.

0:40 Rihanna apparently doesn’t understand that Whitney Houston already did the “ginormous bow in hair” thing back in the day, and we didn’t care for it then, either.

0:47 Rihanna shares her tongue with the world. Thank you.

0:55 Rihanna wears sunglasses bigger than her head.

0:58 Rihanna drinks a shot of something while on stage. We’ll assume it’s not water.

1:04 Avril Lavigne drinks something as well, and wants more.

1:08 Avril happily allows herself to be shoved into a swimming pool whilst riding a skateboard. These things can happen when you’re raised in Canada.

1:18 That’s one serious room-service spread. Holler.

1:29 Something unseemly is happening in a parking lot, no faces shown for legal reasons.

1:39 Is Rush Limbaugh off his meds again?

1:58 More angels having orgasms.

2:13 Repeat of Avril, the skateboard, the swimming pool, and wetness.

2:15 Rihanna sports hairdo bigger than Jupiter.

2:19 Correction. This hairdo is bigger than Jupiter. Was there a competition of some kind?

2:24 Rihanna samples island-grown produce. I’m sure it’s not the first time.

2:30 Rihanna is very proud of her nether region.

2:36 Rihanna attempts to outdo Liberace. Hits fail blog. But shows us her fanny as compensation.

2:44 People walking around backstage. Not exactly the most inspiring footage ever shot.

2:46 Rihanna and friends crawling under table. No explanation given.

3:07 I’m guessing there was an incident in Las Vegas. One of those things that’s supposed to stay there and never be talked about again.

3:25 Rihanna has far too much fun waving a flag.

3:39 Rihanna performs CPR on a conch shell. Conch shell proposes marriage.

3:49 Something to do with confetti and surprise attacks.

4:00 Rihanna welcomes the rest of her people to this planet, points out location of shopping malls.

4:14 More with the Vegas outfits. Clearly there’s a secret club that I don’t know about.

4:25 Startling mix of hand shadow and crotch placement, as Rihanna dismounts from balance beam and receives perfect 10.

4:30 Poor decision to allow drunken people to drive watercraft.

4:30 Cocktailed Rihanna and her hair holler something unintelligible, video ends. Presumably, Avril is still being shoved in that swimming pool somewhere. Guess she's still pining for that Sk8er Boi…

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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