Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Marc Anthony - “I Need To Know”

  We start out with what might be Enya playing a violin (apparently she showed up at the wrong recording studio), then we have a bit with Marc and what we’ll assume is Baby Girl talking and flirting in some place where the electricity isn’t working (well, at least not the kind that powers the lights), and finally we’re on a stage while Marc starts performing the song. We’ll be here a bit, so you can get comfortable.

  Because it’s very important to the story, we get close-up shots of Marc’s backup dancers, a bevy of lovelies wearing what can only be described as feline-inspired minimalist couture. (They even appear to have tails, so apparently somebody finds that sexy.) We get random shots of people gyrating in the audience, with belly buttons here and arched backs there. But we’re really supposed to be paying attention to Baby Girl, who likes to wave her hands in the air to a different song.

  As mentioned, this section goes on for a bit, so the Cat Girls do their best to keep us entertained, performing some low-challenge choreography that basically consists of them taking two tiny steps and then assuming another sultry pose. (Oh, and they like to touch Marc, a lot, constantly racing up to caress one of his body parts and then dashing back to the chorus line.)

  Baby Girl, for her part, continues to dance to that other song, but at least she appears to be having a good time, so we’ll just let her keep doing that. Based on the way the rest of the audience keeps writhing about and pawing at each other, I’m guessing we’re not at a Christian fundamentalist board meeting. Then again, maybe we are, I don’t really keep tabs on what those people might be up to these days.

  Oh wait, now we’re some place that might be an apartment, where Marc is standing near a window, wailing away, while Baby Girl is wallering around on a bed. The sheets must feel really good to her, because she’s inspired to touch herself and make pouty faces. Then she parades around in the sheet for a little bit, so she might have misplaced her clothing. Sadly, she can’t ask Marc for some tips on where her panties might be, because he won’t quit singing the song long enough for her to get a word in.

  Then we’re back at the concert for more of that business, what with the Cat Girls parading around in their catnip outfits, Marc crooning seductively into a microphone while still managing to allow his shirt to flap open so we can see his flat belly, and Baby Girl doing the lambada with lots of men in the audience who are not Marc, so she might be a little bit of a tramp.

  Back to the apartment. Marc is still invested in singing the song and not paying attention to Baby Girl, so she starts to look a little blue, wondering if maybe she shouldn’t have changed her Facebook status to “in a relationship”. But before she can attend a couple’s therapy session, we cut to a murky stairwell somewhere, with Baby Girl and… I’m not sure who he is, might be Marc, might not. They are too busy canoodling with each other for me to get a real good look.

  Then we have another extended concert sequence, but we already know what’s happening over here, and it’s more of the same, what with the Cat Girls and the overheated audience. They throw in some snippets of other things that we’ve already seen as well, like Marc singing to the window instead of his maybe girlfriend, and Baby Girl pretending that having sex on a staircase is not uncomfortable at all.

  We wind things down with Baby Girl climbing up what might be a fire escape or just a really interesting entrance to a nightclub in a place where it rains a lot. Marc is nearby, still singing and not helping Baby Girl climb like a real gentleman would do. He’s making hand gestures like his heart is broken over Baby Girl leaving him all alone, but she’s looking at him like, dude, what are you talking about? Quit singing and get your ass up the stairs.

  But he doesn’t, choosing instead to stand there in the rain because the really dramatic finale of the song is coming up, and he knows that he looks good all wet and yearning. Baby Girl just sighs and goes inside to see if there’s anything decent on TV.

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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