Friday, December 30, 2011

Rihanna, Calvin Harris - “We Found Love”

  Wow, this one’s a wee bit depressing.

  But anyway, we start out with Rihanna doing a voice-over while we see images of her, random buildings, and she and Calvin sitting in a bathtub, drinking beer and hating each other. She’s rambling on about how sometimes it takes a while to figure out that a relationship might not be healthy, but I’m thinking “honey, if your man makes you let your hair get that trashy, it can’t be good”.

  We get more shots of Rihanna and Calvin in a self-destructive spiral of drugs and hot-but-meaningless sex in random locations, so we know where this is going, we just have a song to get through before we reach that point. Of course, none of this stops Rihanna from wearing skimpy outfits and parading around in a manner that highlights her booty.

  The actual song starts with an exciting lightening storm and Rihanna holed up in some place where the decorating theme involves Christmas lights and the inability to wear pants or a bra. She’s a little blue, and she wants to sing about how she got that way. But before we can provide any comfort, the rest of the video is off and running.

  First we have some mess with Rihanna and Calvin riding on a bicycle and waving about a road flare, more mess with Rihanna running through a wheat-field without her top, and she and Calvin having sex in any location where they can get some traction. She might be troubled about the worthiness of the relationship, but she horny. They drink beer, light fireworks, ride skateboards, and fornicate. Everywhere.

  Next up we have Rihanna and Calvin in a fast-food restaurant, where they find it necessary to take drugs and dance on the tables, much to the chagrin of people who actually have to eat there without the promise of energetic and inappropriate sex. This transitions into a rave scene where the duo apparently can’t shove pills down their throats fast enough. This might explain why some folks question the bottom-line value of a rave. Just sayin.

  Quick re-visit of that place where Rihanna is bellowing the song while Christmas lights blink in non-judgment, then we cut to Rihanna and Calvin basically stealing everything they can from a local convenience store, including a shopping cart which Calvin then uses to transport his jacked-up partner through the streets of the city. They apparently and eventually make their way to a casino that doesn’t mind if the patrons physically violate slot machines when they don’t win.

  Cut to a montage of Rihanna and Calvin not understanding social etiquette, Rihanna and Calvin unable to properly drive a car, and Rihanna and Calvin having huge arguments that result in Rihanna storming away from the improperly-driven car whilst wearing an outfit that no one in their right mind would purchase. (Did somebody design that after watching old reruns of The Mickey Mouse Club? And not the one with Christina, Justin and Britney?)

  But no worries, the bickering duo are soon reunited over a six-pack joint that they happily share, leading to shot-gunning and more bouts of animal sex. Sadly, Rihanna eventually gets to the point where she has a wee bit of a drug reaction outside a sleazy bar, and the authorities have to step in and explain that drug ingestion is not a part of the Food Pyramid.

  Unfortunately, Rihanna doesn’t pay any attention, so we’re back to the cycle of co-dependent pharmaceutical abuse that really doesn’t look good on a resume. But Rihanna must have taken some notes somewhere along the line, because she finally gets fed up, throws up in a really graphic manner that would make George Lucas proud, and stomps into the Christmas-light trashy apartment to pack her things for good. But not before she has a final scene in the apartment where she throws her legs wide open for the world to see, so somebody might need some additional therapy.

  But leave she finally does, and all self-power to her. Which leads to just one question. What the hell does Calvin Harris have to do with this song? It was all your singing, girl. Did I miss a memo?

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.


  1. i might be wrong,but the guy who's Rihann's love interest in the song looks like Chris brown.i might be wrong though.

  2. Hi Paradise,

    Well, I'm pretty sure that the guy is not Chris Brown, but I've made mistakes with my video reviews before, so I'm not going to swear to anything at this point. In any case, it's very clear that Rihanna needs to move on from this guy or she's going to have some serious issues kicking off her next world tour...



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