David Cook - “Fade Into Me”

  Note: This one is mostly concert footage mixed with David walking around some apparently deserted city (these things can be arranged when you have money) so we’ll have to do the timestamp thing…

0:02  Series of shots concerning lonely roads, farmland, livestock and what might have been a quick glimpse of a violated scarecrow. Or it might have been my third-grade teacher, she had that same look.

0:08 Random red tractor which is probably not the important part of the video.

0:14  David walking along a riverbank and rockin’ that neo-grunge look he’s perfected. In the distance is some type of fortress where they lock up people who misbehave at concerts. You have been warned.

0:23  Blurry images of people waiting to get into one of those concerts. Or maybe there was a really good sale on toaster ovens, not clear.

0:32  Somebody working at a giant control panel, which probably determines the best times for Kim Kardashian to pull off another pointless publicity stunt.

0:36  David and friend rush out the back door of some place they probably shouldn’t have been. I’m guessing adult video store.

0:41  Odd train going backwards.

0:45  David and band hold small church revival. Cable TV must have been on the fritz.

0:53  Blurry images of enraptured concert audience begging David to sweat in their direction.

1:06  Is that a UFO landing near the drummer?

1:10  Arty black-and-white shot of David channeling Roy Orbison.

1:14  Shadow footage of giant dog being swallowed by a brick building. (Seriously, play it again, what else could that be?)

1:18  Shot of David’s boot, which qualifies it for membership in the Screen Actor’s Guild.

1:24  David stupidly walks on train tracks, because nothing bad ever happens when you do that, right? (I guess he hasn’t seen the opening scenes of Fried Green Tomatoes, eh?)

1:31  David is forced to sit on fire escape because the hotel management frowns upon singing in the rooms.

1:36  Encore performance by Roy Orbison.

1:43  More walking on the train tracks. Dude, seriously, get your ass out of there. You only think you can outrun those things.

1:54  David makes possible obscene gesture using guitar. Horniness of audience, already at fever pitch, goes to 11.

2:05  David inexplicably refuses to use flight of stone steps and instead opts for balancing on the crumbling concrete railing. Alcohol most likely involved.

2:11  Bus arrives with another shipment of screaming fans, because original fans have to stop screaming after eight hours due to union rules.

2:18  What the hell is that expression for? Is David giving birth? To a Toyota?

2:28  Must be a long labor, poor guy.

2:43  Giant sign on stage lets us know that this is a David Cook concert, in case you wandered in here mistakenly, looking for the tri-county tractor pull.

2:55  David misunderstands the basics of patty cake, missing both the rhythm and a partner.

3:06  David surveys bridge that he might buy, just because he can. Decides to pass when the color doesn’t match his sunshades.

3:14  David poses somewhere with people that I don’t know. One of them is wearing a Cheap Trick t-shirt, so there might have been a misunderstanding at some point. Old-school Kenny Loggins makes an appearance on far right.

3:22  Banished David on fire escape finishes song, wonders if he’s allowed to go back into the hotel yet.

3:27  Childbirth David seems to have recovered quite well, already back down to pre-pregnancy weight.

3:32  Roy Orbison David turns out to not look like Roy at all in close-up. My bad.

3:34  Things wind down with a visual tribute to R.E.M. and Talking Heads videos. Editor gets inside-joke high-five, even if he didn’t realize he was doing that.


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