There’s not a whole lot going on in this video, just the band playing on an empty stage and Tawny Kitaen having sex with luxury cars, so we’ll have to do the time-stamp thing…
0:01 Tawny and her flimsy, billowy white dress is introduced. She immediately proceeds to do entry-level gymnastics on the hoods of two cars.
0:08 The band does synchronized hand movements right on cue, so they were probably very popular at pep rallies in high school.
0:13 First appearance of lead singer David Coverdale’s hair. It’s a breath-taking moment.
0:19 Encore performance by The Hair.
0:28 Possible recreation of the final spaceship scene in E.T.
0:34 Tawny looks off into the distance, perhaps hearing a phone ring and hoping it’s her agent with a better offer.
0:49 Tawny prepares for a quick nap on a car hood.
0:54 Tawny compares headlights with the car.
0:59 Tawny might be confused about where to sit in a vehicle, but she can do the splits with a vengeance. Hey, gurl, hey.
1:08 Why does David keep shaking the microphone like it’s done a very bad thing?
1:11 Tawny invents a variation of yoga that replaces the mat with two car hoods. Toyoga?
1:18 Tawny decides there’s too much hair with both her and David in a speeding car, so she tries to escape out the passenger window.
1:20 First incident of David holding his microphone stand upside down and shoving it in the air. Turns out he really likes to do this. A lot.
1:25 The assumption would be that all the band members use the same hair stylist. Which is probably the lion groomer at the local zoo.
1:34 Tawny is straddling both David and the back of his car seat. She just loves everybody.
1:37 Tawny shoves her tongue in David’s ear, probably a reward for properly using his turn signals.
1:43 Tawny high-kicks for Jesus.
1:52 Tawny’s climbing out the car window again. Does she ever just sit still and read a book?
1:59 Does that one guitar player have any other expressions? I mean, so sorry that you apparently have a kidney stone, but could you suck it up for the camera?
2:02 Tawny magically uses her hoo-hoo to keep from falling out the car window.
2:10 Microphone stand is in the air again.
2:15 And again.
2:24 Where is all that smoke coming from?
2:27 Tawny has amazingly talented hair. (It’s bigger than that building behind her!)
2:37 Whoopsie, Tawny miscalculates and almost slides off the front of the car. Luckily, that special hoo-hoo of hers gets snagged on the hood ornament, and she’s good.
2:48 Did someone just shoot one of the guitar players. Rude!
2:55 Tawny shoves her entire head into David’s mouth.
3:02 That position can not possibly be comfortable.
3:10 Yet another guitar player (how many of those damn things do they need?) has an issue with his super-tight leather pants making him unable to stand on his own. He keeps playing, though, so he’s a trooper.
3:16 Oh my God, is that Jimmy Hoffa sneaking around on an upper level of the stage?
3:26 Tawny knows the words to the song, too. See, just because you’re beautiful and sexually-limber doesn’t mean you don’t have other skills.
3:29 Stand. In the air.
3:40 Tawny does a nice twirl while apparently getting a full-body x-ray.
3:51 Is that France up in there?
4:06 Tawny is startled by the sudden appearance of her missing panties.
4:16 One of the 147 guitar players licks his instrument. This is a relationship that he probably doesn’t talk about at family reunions.
4:24 Tawny pulls David into the backseat. I’m sure it’s just to form a prayer circle.
4:29 Crotch thrust and fade to black.
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