Note: There are times when you have a really
great song that is paired with a video that is so bland and uninspiring that I
can’t find anything to make the funny happen. This is one of those times, so
I’m just going to make stuff up as I go along. And here we go…
We get a brief
shot of the band warming up on a stage somewhere, then we shift to what is
possibly a giant star-spangled flag that is being dragged over the opening of a
big-ass well. This makes me think of The
Ring, that heart-warming movie where bad things happened in or around a
well and people died. It also reminds me that people in that movie who happened
to watch a certain video met untimely deaths in startling ways that were not
covered by their insurance policies.
So, of course, I
begin wondering if watching this video is going to ignite a similar curse
wherein I get killed by simply pushing an unknown satanic button on my DVD
remote control. I really don’t want that to happen, as I haven’t made the
proper arrangements for sudden death on my couch, and I haven’t finished the
latest Stephen King novel. Then I realize that I have paused this video at the
8 second mark, and I probably should watch a bit more before I get too invested
in my psychotic break.
So I push play
again, and hope that the offspring of Bob Dylan can help me get to a better
place.
Speaking of,
there’s Jakob, now standing in front of that star-spangled flag. He’s wearing a
hat that I don’t particularly care for, and he’s sporting a goatee that looks a
bit wimpy. This does not bode well. But then we switch to more shots of the
other band members doing things with their instruments, and they don’t seem to
be concerned about cursed videos or falling into a well, so I’ll just keep
watching.
We eventually get
to a section where Jakob appears in a tight close-up so that we can better
inspect the controversial goatee (still not sure about that decision) and
admire the more-favorable things that a stylist has done with his hair. I try
not to notice the odd lights behind him that could easily represent evil
spirits that are pissed off about something that happened 60 years ago.
Probably near a well.
More shots of the
other band members strumming and drumming, with all of them wearing
Johnny-Cash-black outfits and pretending no to notice the odd flashes of light
behind them that might indicate someone is being electrocuted. We also seem to
have some fog blowing across the stage. Perhaps this happens at some of your
more progressive concerts, but I usually associate fog with the sudden arrival
of headless horsemen or strange beasties strangling innocent maidens on the
Scottish moors.
Suddenly, we are
transported to what might be the seedier regions of Moscow or Vienna, where we
have a woman strutting about in a mysterious way that only lets us see her
shadow on the walls of this questionable environment. But before we can ask why
this bit is important, we jump back to Jakob and the band and their black
outfits performing on the stage where people might be dying behind them.
Quick revisit to
the Moscow Woman, or at least her shadow, where it might just be the camera
angle but Olga appears to be quite pregnant. Does Jakob need to adjust the
number of dependents on his income tax returns?
I guess we won’t
find out any time soon, because we head back to the band performing, and no one
seems to be waving about any paternity test results. Instead, they all seem to
be cast members in a French film where everyone is dissatisfied with life and
the brie has gone moldy. And we still have lots of unexplained power surges.
Oh wait, now it
looks like we have Jakob wandering around Moscow as well. He sings for a while,
because that’s his basic job and we expect him to do that, but there’s also
some mess about a mysterious car driving sneaking along the streets. (And more
of those gold stars. Did somebody do really, really well on their spelling
test?)
Hold up, was that
Stevie Ray Vaughn at about 2:34 into the video? Probably not.
More shots of the
band performing, and I’m starting to get a little bit irritated that none of
them seem to be bothered with all that unexplained lightning and fog behind
them. This is where people mess up in horror movies. If something is jacked-up with
the weather patterns in your immediate area, you need to run like hell or find
a weapon.
The band
continues to ignore the atmospheric disturbances for a very long time. And
someone keeps waving that star-spangled flag. In the music video industry, this
is known as “just throw in repetitions of the same shots until the video is as
long as the song”. In the music video review
industry, this is known as “who the hell was responsible for editing this
video?”.
Next up is an
extended sequence of Jakob singing in front of the star flag, interspersed with
more lightning and less plot. (His hair still looks good, props for that.) Then
we have another close-up of the goatee, some more shadows in Moscow, and a
non-explanation about who might be pregnant and why they find it necessary to
wander the streets of an unnamed town when it’s very clear that they should get
their ass back home until the baby is due.
Sadly, none of
our probing questions are answered, as the rest of the video makes it clear
that the editor and/or director have run out of ideas. We have more of the band
ignoring Mother Nature, more of the band wearing matching black outfits, more
of the unresolved paternity suit, more of that damn star-flag that seems to
serve no other purpose than match the cover art on the CD, and a shot of
someone’s foot tapping to the beat.
Then we have a
final lightning burst behind the band and the video ends.
I stare at my PC
and the blinking option to replay the video. Dare I risk it? What would Naomi
Watts do in The Ring? What would the
Japanese woman in the original film do? Most importantly, what part of any of
this is covered in my insurance policy?
Click Here to Watch
this Video on YouTube…
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