Thursday, November 11, 2010

Michael Buble - “Haven’t Met You Yet”

  We start off at the “Killarney Market” grocery store, where clerks are scanning bananas and produce is just waiting to be thumped. Cue Michael to come walking along, pushing his little shopping cart and snatching things out of cooler doors. He then starts to sing, which isn’t all that unheard of in grocery stores, but I usually hear that happening in the wine aisle when the Merlot is one sale.

  Michael sings some more, then decides he needs to climb on top of one of the shelves so we can see that he has some cool grey-leather sneakers. He decides that he really likes being up high, so he stays there for a while. But he’s also still walking around in the store, so there’s at least two of him on the loose. The walking Michael spies a comely young lass trying to choose a yogurt flavor, and their eyes lock. The lights in the store flicker to let us know they are instantly in love and can’t wait to consummate their passion in the baked goods section.

  Cut to both of them on top of the frozen food aisle (do these people have problems with floors?), marching toward one another with gleeful abandon. They meet in the middle and we know they will be together forever.

  Meanwhile, the store employees are currently ignoring the rude couple stomping about in the sky, because they’ve seen everything in this store. When you routinely find dirty diapers shoved behind the granola, you aren’t surprised by much. Oh wait, one of the check-out clerks has a bit of the music in her, dancing slightly as she drags an innocent bag of grapes across the scanner.

  Now Michael and his love (let’s call her Felicia) are sitting at a cute little table that is magically gliding across the front of the store. Felicia is all smiles, so she probably likes rides. Good thing, because next they’re in a bed floating down the condiment aisle. No hanky-panky or anything, but it’s a bed, so intentions are clear once somebody gets around to packing up their milk and eggs.

  And now even the jaded store employees are starting to get into it, swaying and bopping to the beat as they price green beans and hose down melons. We have a nice bit where several of them twirl in tandem, so you know they had to practice that mess. There’s an older couple of shoppers doing some footwork as well, but those two are suspiciously close to that wine aisle, so they’re probably hearing some different music.

  Now Michael and Felicia are in a phone booth that is floating around the store. Not sure what that’s all about, unless they don’t realize that the glass walls are clear and they don’t really have the privacy they thought they might when they stepped inside. Both of the Michaels are now bellowing away with the song.

  Floor Michael suddenly discovers a marching band in one of the aisles, like that happens all the time. (Oh, who am I kidding? So far we’ve had levitating furniture and checkout clerks that actually smile, so this isn’t reality. Anything could happen up in here.) Michael is lugging one of those big stick things that marching band leaders carry, and he’s really proud of this accessory. He bops his way down the aisle.

  When he gets to the checkout area, where Felicia is waiting with her adoring eyes and a copy of her pre-nup, all hell breaks loose. Happy people are doing cartwheels and handsprings while confetti showers down from the sky. Then a whole bunch of these people, workers and customers alike, get together and start doing some intricate line dances that include finger-pointing and head-thrusting.

  The manic activity tapers off briefly so Michael can sing the slow part of the song to Felicia, as she stands there with her beautiful hair and lack of body fat, then things pick back up, literally, as some exuberant male dancer hurls his partner through the air. (She’s a trooper, and manages to do the splits while airborne before crashing to earth somewhere near the pharmacy.)

  Everyone decides that this store is just too damn small to contain all their inner joy and musical athletic-ness, so they all race outside to the parking lot where there’s plenty of room for everyone to be tossed about by their partners. The confetti is falling out here, too, so it must be a really big storm. The marching band joins them, because it’s not a party until the marching band shows up or somebody knocks over the stereo.

  And that’s pretty much it. Everybody whooping it up and celebrating the fact that Michael and Felicia are about to have sex. (One guy is even doing flips on a mini-trampoline as an ode to active sperm.) The only down side of this is that one of the dancers, wearing a hat, clearly doesn’t understand that he is not the star of the show. He keeps purposely dancing in front of the camera while the more-disciplined members of his dance troupe remain in their proper places, ashamed of his unsavory mugging. Otherwise, there is joy throughout the land.

  Until Michael wakes up from his daydream and finds himself Felicia-less in one of the checkout lanes, the cashier staring at him as if debating whether to push her panic button or just run screaming from the store. Michael takes his receipt and dejectedly heads toward the Exit door.

  Where he passes another woman. It’s Felicia! Yay!

  And she walks right past him without a second glance.

  Poor Michael. Oh wait, there’s another one of him in here somewhere. Maybe she’ll like that one…

Click Here to Watch this Video on YouTube.


  1. I searched and I found... now I read... :D

  2. Love, love, love, love, love! Obviously I'm a woman of many words. My face hurts I'm smiling so much! :D You're brilliant, simply brilliant.

    1. And I love your enthusiasm! I just might have to hire you as the Public Relations officer for Bonnywood Manor (scribbling note to myself)...



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