We start out with what looks like the sun through a haze, then a car comes into view, one of those classy older models that people these days will spend a fortune on just to relive a time that didn’t really happen the way they remember. We get quick shots of birds and bridges, just in case you didn’t pick up on the theme of “traveling in a car”. The lead singer is driving, wearing the required shades, his hair blowing perfectly in the wind.
Cut to the lead singer (Richard?) sitting in a house, playing his guitar and gazing out the window, probably waiting for the mailman to arrive with his Secret Decoder ring. He’s got one booted foot propped up against the wall, tapping it to the rhythm of the song, so we can understand that he’s a serious musician.
Then we have the lower half of a couple doing a fancy dance on a tiled floor, twirling about and such. This is followed by shots of the band playing, the car rolling along, and Richard passing a kidney stone right at the one-minute mark. I guess he survives, because he’s back in the car again, singing to the wind so it will continue to blow his hair just the right way.
He sings for quite a stretch. Eventually, he has to pull the car over and consult a map, because men never look at the map first, that would be too easy and un-masculine. It looks like the map may be a bit misleading, because the next time we see Richard he’s standing away from the car and drinking out of Granny Clampett’s battered satchel. Before he can explain to us why he might be doing that, Richard is distracted by a bird flying overhead and he’s no longer interested in our thoughts on the matter.
He gets back in the car and drives all wild-ass down some dirt roads for a bit, then he gets frustrated and just tosses the map out of the car, like that’s going to help the situation. A bit later, he pulls into a clearing and stops the car, banging his head on the steering wheel and acting all despondent. Then he looks up and realizes he’s parked in front of an oil derrick. (Um, how did he not notice that when he pulled into the clearing? It’s kinda big.)
I guess Richard is scared of oil derricks, because he floors it and zips away, ending up in a church roughly two seconds later. At first it looks like he’s praying, although we don’t know about what. Then he leans back in the bench and we understand. His jeans are incredibly tight, so he’s clearly asking Jesus to smite the denim and release him.
And his prayers are answered. Well, somebody’s prayer is answered. Sunlight pours in an open window, and a bird flies up. (Carrying pliers in its beak?) The bird must have poor vision, because it has to fly closer to Richard for a better look. The bird stares at Richard, Richard stares at the bird. And then they kiss. (Okay, just kidding.) Richard seems to come to some type of personal revelation that involves the lower half of people doing the tango that we saw a bit earlier. That’s all we learn.
Next we have a montage of the band playing, and Richard at that one window where the mailman has never shown up. This is interspersed with shots of Richard back in that car of his, driving along once more, but he’s much more perky this time so I’m assuming he’s no longer wearing the jeans. This montage goes on for a while, so it appears that the script writers have run out of material, and now it’s just a matter of waiting to see what the Bird Whisperer learned in that church.
More shots of the half-people dancing on the tiled floor, so perhaps the big mystery is that Richard was conceived during a dance-off in Guadalajara and not in the Himalayas like he has always been told. (This news will probably devastate him.) Oh wait, the dancing couple apparently just had a very short fight, and the woman dashed away, leaving the half-man’s shoes to stand there in surprise.
And we’re back in the car, with Richard taking sharp curves at ill-advised speeds. Next thing you know, he’s out of the car again at some overlook, the hood of the car popped open and indicating an issue. Instead of fixing whatever is wrong, Richard drinks the rest of the water from Granny’s satchel, throws it on the ground, turns to glare at the damn bird that has followed him this whole way, then he turns the other way to go watch the sunset.
And that’s it. Fade to black. We will never know the true root of Richard’s trauma, if he ever made it to wherever he was going, of if Granny Clampett is locked in the trunk, really mad about how Richard has been treating her satchel…
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