Saturday, January 22, 2011

One Republic - “All The Right Moves”

  We start off in a fancy, old-timey ballroom where lots of guests are standing around in pretty clothes, wearing those little masks that indicate this is one of those kind of shindigs. I really don’t care for those little masks. Some people have an issue with clowns or spiders. Me? I’m unnerved by putting something on your face that jacks with your perception of reality, but not really. Nope, don’t care for that.

  Anyway, the band is led into the room by a little urchin wearing a top hat. He takes them through the crowd of guests, who are all just standing there and staring. (With those masks. See, isn’t it creepy?) The band finally makes it to the stage, gets set up, and then is introduced to the crowd by the little urchin, who then jumps off the stage and runs back to the Charles Dickens story that he escaped from.

  The band starts playing, and immediately some of the guests start doing one of those snooty ballroom dances where you parade around in a stately manner and can’t possibly be having a good time.

  This goes on for a bit, and we also see that the little urchin is wandering through the crowd, holding his hat out and apparently begging for pennies. I personally wouldn’t care for this to be happening at one of my own social events, but people don’t seem to be bothered and are tossing coins at the little brat. Maybe he’s one of those mysterious children where nobody knows who the Baby Daddy is and they all feel sorry for him.

  Meanwhile, the dancers are finally getting a little more loose and less stiff, starting to bust a few energetic moves despite wearing more clothes than are really necessary. (Maybe somebody broke into the absinthe and started passing the bottle around.) One girl is twirling so excitedly that I fully expect her to take flight and start offering shuttle service to Miami. Meanwhile, the band is perking up a bit as well, with lead singer Teddy starting to hop around and treat his antique microphone like it’s Jennifer Lopez trying to dance her way out of a cage.

  Oh, and just to keep tabs on the irritating but soon-to-be financially solvent urchin, he’s really cleaning up with that hat of his.

  Just as I’m starting to relax and really groove to the tune, we start getting close-ups of those damn masks again, and suddenly I’m reaching for the Cymbalta. Why do they keep doing that? I know they’re wearing them. Got it. Now quit showing them to me. I’m due for a refill on my prescription, and can only take so much.

   There’s a sequence where Teddy sings “the sun is shining” and he points to a lamp. Not sure what’s up with that bit. Did he miss a few critical days of school? Or is he one of those people that can’t really go outside, like John Travolta played in “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble” when he fell in love with Glynnis O’Connor at a time when straight hair on girls with odd names was really hot?

  Well, now we’re seeing that the urchin is swiping watches and such from the pockets of unsuspecting party guests. I knew that little bastard was up to no good. Never trust small children in hats. It can only lead to devastation and ruin. Write that down.

  Suddenly, Teddy stops singing and runs over to a piano to start playing a pretty melody. (What? They haven’t made enough money to afford a piano player? That’s terrible.) He does this for a while, then he starts to sing along with his finger work, which causes all of the dancers to stop in mid-waltz and look eerie with their frozen faces. I don’t know why they’re doing that, but somebody needs to make them stop. (And why is Teddy shoving his face so close to his hand while it’s on the piano keys? Did everybody in this room suddenly lose their minds?)

  Okay, good, Teddy’s done with the piano and just starts wailing again. And now the dancers are doing something new that is vaguely military and precision-like, and far more interesting than that Amadeus crap they were doing before. This jump starts a very lively segment which actually leads us to the close of the video, with everybody having a grand old time doing something modern, despite the fact that they will later get home and realize that Grandpa Ferdinand’s heirloom watch has gone astray. And that the woman they brought home is actually Tim Curry.

  As the song winds down, we see that the little hellion was actually collecting money for one of the creepiest masked dancers. And they prance out the door to go terrorize folks at another barn dance. That’s just not right. The money should actually go to One Republic, since they were providing the entertainment, and they obviously have some budgeting issues if they can’t pay for a full-time piano player. Then again, based on Teddy having that small orgasm while playing said piano, maybe we shouldn’t take that away from him…

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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