Saturday, January 22, 2011

R.E.M. - “Losing My Religion”

  Editor’s Note:  I can remember watching this video when it came out 20 (OMG!) years ago, and being completely mesmerized by the stunning imagery. It still remains one of my favorites, despite having watched roughly 4 billion videos for this blog. I was a little leery about messing with this icon and making fun, but I quickly got over it. (Mea culpa, Michael Stipe.) Because of the structure and lack of story, we’ll be doing the time-stamp thing this time around…

0:02  Michael and Mike are very poor and have no furniture.

0:09  Mike is already bored and walks away.

0:13  Bill and Peter are very concerned about the sudden appearance of Godzilla.

0:18  Some bitch done spilled the milk.

0:20  The band is confused about how to sit for a family portrait.

0:22  Peter deals with someone having run his guitar through the dryer. Bill has been placed in timeout under the window. I hope someone has warned him about falling milk.

0:24  Michael does not appear impressed with having suddenly grown wings. Somewhere, in the distance,  Bette Midler is revising one of her songs to include the lyrics “Look, if you don’t want to be my wind, then just leave. I got my own money.”

0:28  Mike has decided to sit on a booster seat to avoid any further surges of milk.

0:32  Bill is massaging Michael’s shoulders in the hopes that his arms will untwist.

0:37  Bill welcomes the crowd to the Annual Beaver Falls Revival.

0:43  Michael has a pebble in his shoe.

0:52  Michael doesn’t have any friends and must play leapfrog by himself.

0:55  Who taped that thing on the wall? Helen Keller?

1:04  Dennis Rodman, minus the basketball or Madonna.

1:09  Calvin Klein’s new hatwear line based on swarthy men who fondle cargo.

1:10  First appearance of creepy boy-girl with bondage issues.

1:20  Is anybody ever going to clean up that milk?

1:23  Flamboyant drag queens startled by police raid.

1:27  Michael is despondent over non-working antique fan.

1:37  Shirtless man wins gold medal for best use of pearls in a sexual way.

1:40  Michael demonstrates the improper way to do the breaststroke.

1:42  Sad girl is dismayed by inappropriately-placed flower.

1:48  Servant folk don’t notice that someone is running away with their last chicken.

1:51  Questionable usage of livestock and a pair of tights.

1:53  Dennis Rodman again, sad that his hair has now been every known color, and there’s really no use for him any more.

1:57  Michael demonstrates the best way to slice zucchini. (Milk still not cleaned up.)

2:01  First appearance of Stumpy, the Wonder Log.

2:04  Unsettling instance of looking for love in all the wrong places.

2:12  Mail’s here!

2:17  Disembodied hand reaches for Rip Van Winkle and Liberace.

2:29  Due to Republican healthcare budget cuts, all appendectomies must now be performed without surgical implements by sadistic men wearing turbans.

2:31  Hawaiian princess has secret lust for Stumpy.

2:35  Michael is shot by Valerie Solanas, who is still pissed about that Andy Warhol thing.

2:38  Michael introduces new dance craze, The Flailing Amish Boy.

2:41  Mike is not necessarily impressed.

2:44  Betsy Ross sees the face of Jesus in a dusty damask drape, while the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse debate wardrobe options.

2:48  Another Andy Warhol reference.

3:00  Peter is trying to impart the sad news that Orange Crush is no longer being sold in Athens, but Michael is too busy dancing to listen.

3:04  Welder is working on a chastity belt for Paris Hilton.

3:13  Statue of Liberty makes a cameo.

3:18  Another appearance by Creepy Boy-Girl, this one involving amber waves of grain and really bad posture.

3:29  Apparently somebody didn’t pay the light bill at the Welder’s Union. But the work must go on. If Paris Hilton reproduces, the end is nigh.

3:37  Otherwise attractive woman makes fatal mistake of matching color of eye-shadow to Easter Bonnet.

3:42  Focus issue, or proof that Michael Stipe is a celestial being here to save the planet? You decide.

3:56  What’s up with that eyebrow job?

4:05  Creepy Boy-Girl really needs to give it a rest.

4:24  Publicity still for the latest Bollywood Movie, “Rampage of the Karaoke Trannies”.

4:29  Communist propaganda entitled “You Are the Workers Beneath My Wings”.

4:32  Poster for the new BBC Series “I Told You Pilgrims You Shouldn’t Have Gotten on the Boat. See What Happened?”

4:40  Michael is asked to leave the band after an unfortunate dairy reaction in a public setting.

4:46  Fin.

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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