Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wiz Khalifa - “Black And Yellow”

  Fessing up: I had no idea who this person was, but he kept popping up on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, and he’s got around 20 million hits on YouTube with this song, so what the hell, let’s see what the man lays down. I should be fair, right?

  Maybe not.

  We start out with a profile of Wiz, then cut to shots of some bridge leading to… a city with really tall buildings. More shots of Wiz wearing bling, so we can know that he’s street and all that, while people in the chorus of the song are bellowing “black and yellow” like their lives depend on it. I’ll just have to guess that “black and yellow” means something. Gang colors? Ugly bruises? Pissed-off  bees that really won’t be satisfied until they sting somebody? Who knows.

  More shots of bridges and the anonymous city. Cut to Wiz holding his crotch while standing in front of giant, illuminated pillars. Gee, do you think Wiz might be proud of his penis? If there’s one thing that symbolizes the decline of Western Civilization, it’s either the mystifying, continued influence of the Republican Party, or the need for rappers to grope themselves in public.

  But I’m not bitter.

  We start jump-cutting around, with images of Wiz possibly cleaning himself up (big surprise there), Wiz sitting in what might be an Egyptian setting (no idea), and street signs with names that we don’t recognize. Oh, and some shots of gold watches and such, because you really aren’t anybody unless you have bling. Or a recording contract that allows your assistants to purchase bling for you.

  And there’s some instructional footage that lets us now that, apparently, Wiz is strongly desired by every female on the planet. Didn’t know that. Thanks for the tip.

  Quick shot of somebody cooking what might be grits. This is probably important in some way, I just haven’t figured it out yet. And in case you were wondering, yes, Wiz has an astonishingly large number of tattoos. Again, probably means something, I just didn’t get the memo. And Wiz continues to love his penis, groping his crotch like the answer to all of Life’s mysteries are within the folds of his jeans.

  Wiz fesses up to having made a million dollars. Really?

  Then Wiz hops into a fancy car and peels out, even though it’s a bit questionable whether or not his skinny arms can actually turn the wheel. His driving style apparently requires that he open his mouth really big while navigating the city streets. (Just to set the scene, don’t forget that everybody is bellowing “black and yellow” throughout all of this.) We have shots of Wiz greeting his Home Boys at some place where they either play basketball or count drug sales. I’m not sure.

  Then we have a very nice montage where Wiz disses lesbians, so he’s a real quality guy. This is accented by more shots of women who can’t wait to have Wiz’s baby. Seriously, what planet are these people living on? And why would anybody be paying attention to somebody who can’t let go of his noodle for any length of time?

  Oh. Now they’re showing us those exact people. Wiz is bopping around in front of a huge crowd of fans, with many of them waving black-and-yellow flags. (They are also waving beverages that are clearly alcoholic, but I suppose I shouldn’t whine.) This love fest goes on for a while, with the crowd going wild for Wiz’s ability to point at himself and wear sunglasses.

  The worshipping of Wiz (that’s a phrase I never thought I would type) goes on for quite some time. More of the acolytes praising Wiz for his existence, more of the flag waving, and more of my stunned wondering how any of this is taking place. And why in the hell is Wiz wearing tube socks pulled up to his knee caps? Help me understand this. Has anybody EVER looked at such an image and thought, wow, I want to be impregnated by THAT.

  Weird shots of some stylist cutting hair and a DJ spinning records. Are these people relatives?

  Back to that basketball court, where people are not accomplishing anything other than smoking cigarettes (not judging, I do as well) and standing around while waiting for the camera to turn their way so they can squeal and ovulate over the fact that Wiz is nearby. Lots of hands are in the air over this worship of the Wiz Man. (Yet another phrase that I never thought I would type.)

  Now there’s a bunch of people standing on top of what might be a fast-food restaurant, waving flags and grabbing their crotches, so either the food is really good or we have a serious outbreak of crabs. The watching crowd doesn’t care, undulating in a frenzy of desire to anoint Wiz as the Second Coming.

  Shots of lots more black-and-yellow flags.

  We wind down with a final image of Wiz grinning maniacally, teeth everywhere.


  I’ve obviously missed something, somewhere. And I’m glad I did.

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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