Kelly Clarkson - "My Life Would Suck Without You"

So Kelly’s on a swing in a park, and at first it seems she’s watching some young kids frolic about, but then you quickly realize that it’s daytime in their park and night in hers. So either she can see really far, or these things did not take place at the same time.

Oh, and the kids are doing something with a bracelet, but it’s not real clear what that might be. Perhaps they are making a pact of friendship, or maybe it’s a livestock transaction in Ancient Greece.

Now Kelly is wearing that same bracelet, only now she’s in an apartment, answering the door. It’s some guy, and she waves keys in front of him and then runs all over the house while he tries to catch her. (Maybe this scene was supposed to be for the kids and somebody got the script pages messed up.)

Shots of Kelly in the night-time swing again. She must like it there.

Back to the apartment, where Kelly finally throws the keys in the toilet. (I’m still thinking the script is jacked.)

And then, HEY, Kelly’s on stage for the chorus. Girl looks hawt, with the lights and the wind machine and the zooming cameras. This is much better than people running and swinging.

Sadly, the chorus eventually ends, and we’re back in the apartment. Kelly and the Key-Wanter are on the couch, and she decides he’s been reading too much or something and snatches away his Juggs magazine. Then she hits him with it and throws it out the window. She mean.

More shots of her swinging.

He throws something of hers out the window, I think, can’t really tell because her hair is in the way. Then she’s racing through the house, grabbing up other things of his and chunking 'em out the window. Come on, people. Is all of this really necessary?

Back to the more-fun chorus on stage, and a little relief, but this time they include cut shots of them still cleaning out the closets and throwing crap onto the street. Kelly even gets dangerously close to throwing a fishbowl, with live fish, out the window. And we would have to hate her a little bit if she did that, even if it’s only a pretend music video, because that’s just wrong. Bad Kelly.

Key Man saves the day at the last minute by snatching out the guppy (isn’t that a Jamaican song?) at the last second. And are these people not thinking about who might be walking below the window? Nice grandma on her way to the retirement center, lugging freshly-baked strudel, and BAM. Wetness and death. This is a really mean video.

Then we have the quiet part of the song where Kelly realizes she can’t let him go. Of course not. Otherwise he would testify against her in the domestic violence lawsuit. And HE saved the guppy, not her. She’d be paying some big money to settle that one.

So now they’re all happy, and decide to go ride around in a jeep, so Kelly can whip her hair around in the wind and he can look cool wearing shades. (Quick shot of the famous bracelet hanging from the rearview mirror, so I guess there was no livestock swap.)

Chorus again, so more mixed shots of Kelly’s hair on stage, and then Kelly’s hair in the jeep. Things go sour in that jeep when they apparently get lost and start a fight about it. Kelly hits him AGAIN, this time with the map. Girl needs some anger management classes.

All this bickering causes him to lose control of the jeep, and although there’s no real danger, they do end up in a gravel parking lot where dust gets everywhere and they aren’t so pretty anymore. I guess the horrifying possibility that she might be dirty AND single is too much for her, so Kelly grabs the guy and they kiss.

And then we’re done. Did you learn a lot? Me neither.


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