Thursday, August 13, 2009

Taylor Swift - "Love Story"

We’re on a college campus, with Taylor walking along and looking forlorn, when she spies a boy sitting under a tree. While she rudely stares at him, she starts getting flashbacks of a past life they apparently shared.

We’re transported back to old-timey days (which would be 2004 for Taylor, but a couple hundred years for the rest of us), and Taylor is now standing on a balcony opening off a humongous house. If you haven’t figured it out yet, she’s playing Juliet, and she’s wishing for a Romeo.

Then she’s in a ballroom, lots of candles and everyone is beautiful. In walks tree boy, all dappered up, and they only have eyes for each other. Then everybody joins together for a waltz, and I guess they didn’t have a lot of time to practice, because the extras are really bad at it. But everybody’s still pretty, and Taylor and Tree get to do cute things with their hands.

Later that night, or that century, who knows, Taylor is trudging through the forest, holding up an oil lamp, acting like she’s using it to see with, but really so the camera can get good shots of her dewy skin. Suddenly, there’s Tree Boy, standing next to one of those creepy statues from “Interview with the Vampire”. (Seriously, stop the video at 1:42.) Hope she’s got a wooden stake up in that petticoat, just in case.

She goes up to him and discreetly puts her finger across his lips. (“Shhh. Don’t tell me you’re a vampire. It’s been a long day, singing on the patio for hours and then all that dancing, so I really don’t have time for any more issues.”)

Then they wander around a bit, holding hands and chatting, the oil lamp never more than 3 inches from her peachy face. (Girl, careful with that burning oil, that weave will go up in a flash.) Of course, this is a chaste little video (all those tween-ager fans out there, sayin), so they end up just petting a horse conveniently standing nearby instead of having sex.

Whoops, I may have lied. After he leaves, we see Taylor plucking a cherry off a tree. Umm…

Then Taylor’s back on that balcony, and I guess it’s been a while since she went to the zoo with Tree, because she’s singing the part about how she hasn’t seen him in so long and wonders if he’ll ever come save her. Lo and behold, she spies Hardwood walking out of the forest, headed her way.

Ecstatic, she starts racing down endless flights of curving stairs, the 20-foot train on her dress artfully billowing out behind her. Quick cut shots between the two of them, with his in slo-mo, ‘cause he only has to cover about 5 feet of grass and she has an entire plantation house to navigate.

They stand in the middle of a field, hold each other’s head, and glow at each other, while the camera swirls around them. But they never even kiss. Hello?

Back in the present, Taylor and Tree stand in the middle of the campus courtyard, unable to hold each other’s hands because Taylor is carrying some stupid books, and glow at each other. But they never kiss. What’s the name of this song, again?

Does Taylor Swift even know how Romeo and Juliet ended? Just wondering.

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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