Friday, August 14, 2009

Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love"

We zoom in on a residential building, and we get glimpses of several women in their apartments, each of them in various states of undress as well as emotion. The camera finally comes to rest on Leona, sprawled out on a hallway floor, wearing a really pretty dress. (Girl, you don’t DO that in couture. Get your ass off the ground.)

But Leona’s stubborn, so she starts to sing and play with her hair instead of getting up. When she finally does, the wall color is different, so either somebody messed up or she has special powers and can walk through walls.

Cut to a crying woman on her unmade bed, looking at photos, which I think we’re supposed to take as proof that her man is seeing somebody else. Not clear, and I’m distracted by the fact that her sheets are half off the mattress. She sloppy. Then the drums kick in, and I’m much more interested in that.

Leona’s back on the floor in the first hallway.

Then we’re in another apartment, with a sobbing woman sporting enough mascara to re-tar the roof of Buckingham Palace. Her man comes in the door (hey wait, is that the guy in the photos?), and she throws some wadded up panties at him that are (presumably) not hers.

Okay, better shot of Leona in the second hallway, and she IS wearing a different dress. So now I guess the explanation is that she’s quick doing costume changes in the lobby during the bits when people are crying over photos on a tacky bed or throwing panties across the room.

Quick shot from the side of the building and we see a total of four angry women in apartments, so I guess Leona has at least two more costume changes as the stories unfold.

Back to mattress girl, who is now jumping on the bed and throwing the photos around. (I would get spanked for doing that, just sayin.) And panty girl throws her cheatin man out the door. (He stands outside the slammed door and looks confused. Dude, those weren’t her panties, so unless they are YOURS, you don’t live here anymore.)

More shots of Leona in the golden hallway. (She really likes to play with her hair.) Not sure why she’s rubbing up against the walls and all, and at one point I do believe she was humping a radiator. And she can’t seem to stand up on her own, leaning against the wall like she’s really tired. (Was there alcohol at the craft services table?)

Brief glimpse of a third woman, so we’re about to get her story, but first Leona, in a new outfit (think Barbarella) wanders into a bedroom, flops on her back on the bed, and then sings a line while arching her back and shoving her breasts up to Jesus. The height she achieves is amazing. Seriously, stop the video at 1:42.

Okay, time for third girl’s story. Jerk from the photos and the hurled panties walks up to her door, she opens it and they immediately begin sucking face. Then they jump on the bed and whoopee ensues. I guess they know each other.

More shots of Leona roaming the halls. She’s not wearing a back brace, which kind of surprises me after the athletics of her previous scene. She’s got a new outfit, of course, so we’re about to see the fourth girl. And it looks like somebody found her some coffee, because she’s not sliding along the walls as much.

Final girl is sitting on HER bed, wearing pantyhose with giant white circles, waiting for the phone to ring and checking her watch. Honey, whoever you’re waiting for is not going to show up until you take those awful pantyhose off and burn them. Or you can at least throw them at somebody. Girl #2 can give you tips on how to do that.

Quick shot of Girl #3 still flopping around with the Jerk, and hey, they’re right next door to pantyhose girl. You wanna call this one or should I?

Lots of shots of Leona again, with her hair blowing wildly, even though she’s inside and not near a window. Thankfully, she’s not using her breasts to recreate part of Mt. Rushmore in this scene.

Okay, then we get really busy. Let’s see, some guy walks in on Jerk and #3 and there’s a scuffle, Bed Girl lights all the photos on fire, and Pantyhose Girl tries to drown herself in the bathtub. This is getting serious. Luckily, Bed Girl catches that bed on fire and the sprinklers go off.

This calms down Bed Girl, stops the fight in Girl #3’s boudoir of shame, and allows Leona to dance around in the streaming water, twirling, singing and shimmying. Quick shot of Leona’s feet sporting very high heels made out of golden chain-link fencing. Somebody paid big bucks for those, so they had to have their own cameo.

Oh, and the beau that Pantyhose girl was waiting on DOES show, it’s somebody we haven’t seen so he’s most likely a nice guy innocently visiting a house of madness. And happily, since the fire sprinklers are still going, Pantyhose Girl doesn’t have to explain that she’s dripping wet because she just tried to kill herself over the fact that her date was ten minutes late.

I now fully understand why Leona keeps, keeps bleeding. Don’t you? Thought so.

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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