We start off with Ne-Yo on some soundstage,
pushing along his motorcycle. (Why he’s doing this, I have no idea, because you
know he has people who can push things for him.) Cut to Ne-Yo on another
soundstage, and this one is apparently having electrical problems because the
lights keep flashing on and off in an annoying way. This is kind of sad,
because Ne-Yo appears to be wearing a sharp suit that we should probably study
more closely, because we all know that the right outfit can make or break a
song.
Then Ne-Yo lets out a little yelp that
magically makes the flashing stop. (Note to self: If you want to make
irritating lights stop flickering, squeeze out a Michael Jackson tribute
noise.) We cut back to Motorcycle Ne-Yo, who is being visited by a woman
wearing incredibly tight panty shorts, and she seems very invested in touching
Ne-Yo and his throbbing machine. He doesn’t seem to mind, especially when she
does some really hookerish moves involving her fanny, letting him know that she’s
ready for a test drive and comes with both an automatic and a stick-shift
transmission.
Meanwhile, the Sharp-Dressed Ne-Yo is still
singing, and a new Sweater-Wearing Ne-Yo is using his feet to torment a
microphone stand while he also appears to be looking around at people that aren’t
really there. (Side Note: It seems that somebody tried to add lyrics to the
screen for the hearing-impaired, which is nice, but they didn’t really finish
the job and we only get words here and there, usually right on a beat or when
Panty-Shorts Woman discovers another direction to point her breasts.)
Okay, now all of the Ne-Yo’s are doing some
smooth dance moves, and this sequence results in some backup dancers suddenly
appearing out of nowhere, because that’s another rule about music videos:
random dancers must rush in and do a line dance during critical moments in the
video when you can’t think of anything more interesting to do. (Oh, and look,
Panty-Shorts Woman was able to correctly clap her hands to one of the beats, so
she does have some marketable skills after all.)
Eventually another woman runs on one of the
sets and instantly stretches her hand toward Sharp-Dressed Ne-Yo’s crotch, so I
guess after Panty-Shorts Woman’s surprise career-advancement in the last
paragraph, word has gotten out that if you do the right things with your hands
while standing near Ne-Yo, you might get hired for another shoot.
At 1:41, two women wearing outfits that
Jennifer Beals might wear on The L Word do some synchronized gymnastics
where they roll on their heads and show us their muscle tone. It looks very
interesting, and very painful.
At 1:46, Crotch-Grabbing Woman suddenly seems
to be passing out from food poisoning and slumping to the floor. Ne-Yo just
stares at her, because really, does the skank think she can just sashay up in
here and deviate from the script? Girl, please.
And now the Jennifer Beals dancers are
multiplying, because there are more of them wallering around on the floor while
Sharp-Dressed Ne-Yo tries his best to dance without kicking them in the head,
which is a difficult task since the Jennifers are flopping all over the place
like somebody should really call in a priest for an exorcism.
Lots more dancing by the various Ne-Yo’s.
That man has entirely too much energy. And then we have even more Jennifer
Beals dancers flooding one of the stages, so I’m starting to get a little bit
concerned. Has this suddenly become a casting call for Flashdance II: Still
Got That Feeling?
Oh wait, we’ll probably be alright.
Sweater-Wearing Ne-Yo is back, and he has those mad skillz where he can control
the microphone stand with his feet. He can use that as a weapon in case those
identically-dressed women go on a rampage. (Kill the Jennifers! Kill them!)
Unless he gets distracted by Panty-Shorts Woman or Crotch-Grabbing Woman, both
of whom have a tendency to hog the spotlight and make you forget about dance
troupes that want you dead.
But everyone remains relatively friendly,
with very little bloodshed, and we roll into another run with lots of people
dancing, letting the music take them to heights of athleticism and eroticism.
The highlight of this bit is when Sharp-Dressed Ne-Yo plays a modified form of
hopscotch where he leaps over some of the Jennifers while they sprawl on the
stage in a pinwheel shape. (Why do these girls like lying on the floor so
much?)
Next up we have Ne-Yo messing around with
some Slutty Cocktail Waitress who really, really likes his tie. But she doesn’t
last very long (I guess Ne-Yo didn’t like what was on her menu) and we jump
back to more of the Jennifers waving their legs in the air and doing push-ups
in an odd fashion.
Check it, now some of the people are wearing
white pants instead of the black ones that were handed out by wardrobe at the
beginning of this video, and this totally changes everything that we are
seeing. And it looks like the producers took my advice on crowd control,
because now we’re down to only two Jennifers, and both of them seem to be
behaving themselves. And they even have batons that they can twirl. See, folks?
Change is good.
Sadly, everybody must be getting tired,
because the video starts to wind down. A little more dancing, a few more women
pawing on Ne-Yo, a startling scene with the Jennifers possibly ripping Ne-Yo to
shreds in a rousing tribute to Dawn of the Dance Floor of the Dead, and
a fond look back at all of Ne-Yo’s outfits so we can update our fashion
spreadsheets.
Final shot is off Ne-Yo beckoning to us and
then walking off into a screen filled with static. If you listen really
closely, you can hear Panty-Shorts Woman finally getting a test drive. But only
in the European release of the video…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
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