Okay, all you really need to know about this video is that there’s some mess happening during daylight hours, and more mess happening during nighttime hours, with both messes involving a beach somewhere. The same shenanigans are taking place regardless of the time of day, with the only difference being that hopefully somebody passed out some high-SPF sunscreen during the bits where the sun is shining. Got it? Here we go…
We start off with some helpful, unseen person pulling a red curtain back, which reveals the start of what might be a marathon on the beach, with rambunctious females waving sparklers as they race across the sand. Then we have a drunken woman doing windmill motions, followed by a profile shot of the lead singer waiting for the actual singing part of the song to start.
Cut to the lead singer on another part of the beach, crouching in the sand with one of the guitar players who doesn’t understand that neckerchiefs really aren’t all that popular anymore. The lead singer lead sings for a while, then he stands up and marches away from the guitar player, leaving him to fiddle with strings and still not understand fashion. Lead singer takes off his jacket and throws it on the sand, letting us know that he’s a pig and isn’t really all that interested in protecting the environment. We might have to hate him for this indiscretion, but we’ll see what happens.
Lead singer wails for quite a while as he walks, until he eventually wanders off camera, leaving us with the image of a couple sucking face in front of a car. Apparently the necking couple is very inspiring, because we see other couples running to each other and shoving tongues into orifices. Then we have a nice montage of the band performing at some cheap-ass bandstand on the beach, mixed with other frisky couples abandoning caution and leaping into the backseats of cars they normally couldn’t afford if Daddy didn’t have that nice job selling things people don‘t really need.
There’s more of that business with females waving sparklers (still waiting for an explanation of the symbolism of randy females waving heated prongs that spark) along with close-ups of the other band members. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to learn, but I do have to give props to the one guy trying to look like a Russian sailor escorting crates of vodka on the high seas. You really don’t see much of that anymore.
Then we have a sequence where I believe that hormone-raging teens are shaking up beer cans and making them spew on fancy cars. Again, not sure what the point is, but I don’t have to fret about it too long, because we cut to more of the band performing on the beach. For whatever reason, the drummer is banging his skins while seated in front of a fake window with billowing curtains. Does he have dreams of being in a store display?
Doesn’t matter, because we have a sudden invasion of rude teenagers running through the set, wearing skimpy attire and headed toward the ocean water. I guess they’re not really interested in a live performance by a band named after cheap clothing. One of the girls is waving a blanket over her head, so I’m starting to wonder if the call sheet for this shoot asked for actresses who can “run and twirl things”. Or maybe Blanket Girl is just a super tramp that has no shame in advertising her needs for horizontal attention.
Now we have a long sequence where the lead singer is marching along the sand, warbling, while the high-sugar-intake teens are hurling water balloons at one another with a frenzy that can only be described as “we observed the patients exhibiting extraordinarily high levels of dissatisfaction with the fruit cup served at lunch”. I’m expecting Nurse Ratchett to show up at any moment and demand a lockdown at the asylum.
Brief shot of an overly-chipper female allowing her hands to be used as the launch point for another possible sailor who is really invested in doing a back-flip. I hope they enjoyed themselves.
And another brief shot of a woman with questionable makeup and attire doing the dogpaddle on the back of a straining male who probably didn’t understand what he was signing up for when he showed up on the set.
The band performs again while more happy females frolic about with those damn sparklers. I’m not sure why they keep doing this, but I do know that if I acted that crazy-ass with a sparkler when I was a young little cultural critic, my daddy would have backhanded me in a manner that would permanently stop all skipping and waving. I guess things are different these days.
We get another shot of that marathon race that started things off in the video. I don’t understand why the males are not allowed to run as well. Maybe it was a union issue, and I have to support that, because so many short-sighted people these days seem intent on destroying the unions in this country, which completely sucks ass. (Yes, I just got political. Blame it on the sparklers.)
Now we have some business where two of the band members feel it is very important that they perform this part of the song, the bit that involves sounds instead of words, while clutching at one another in manner that suggests there may be more to their relationship than initially reported. Just guessing.
More skanks run by with sparklers. I’m really done with that angle.
Lead singer again, doing another one of his now-trademark marches along the beach, while fog drifts by and interestingly-arranged spotlights let us all know that his hair color is not natural. He utters the line about “we make love so fine”, and the camera swivels to show a huge posse of the sparkler girls standing en masse. Really? You made love to all of them? Short attention span?
We may never know the real story there, because random people start dancing and pretending that there has been no alcohol consumption, or inadvertent fathering of future tax deductions. Lots of these folks seem to have an affinity for hats that seem out of place, yet another trend that must be researched before we can fully understand the implications.
And that’s how we wind things down, with perky people shimmying on the sand, overcome in a rapturous manner by the musical stylings of the Plain White T’s. (One woman is so enamored of the musicality that she enlists the aid of a nearby friend so she can be thrust in the air while spreading her legs far and wide. I didn’t know one of the Kardashians was part of this shoot. Who would have expected that?)
Eventually the lead singer heads down the beach, alone, probably seeking a place where he won’t step on a smoldering length of molten heat. Well, at least not the metal kind…
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