Saturday, May 5, 2012
Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer - “Give Me Everything”
Note: Absolutely no storyline with this one (except some subtle mess about how you need really expensive electronic equipment if you want to successfully stalk someone) so we’ll have to do the time-stamp thing. And here we go…
0:01 Pitbull and companion are sitting on a couch that they probably stole from a Lady Gaga video.
0:05 Close-up of Pitbull so we can study his latest choice of designer shades.
0:07 Shot of Ne-Yo and companion in an elevator larger than most NYC apartments.
0:10 A supermodel joins Ne-Yo and friend, showing off her legs that are apparently longer than Ne-Yo is tall.
0:13 Pitbull does his impersonation of a revivalist preacher.
0:17 Shot of some nice urban lofts that nobody watching this video can afford.
0:20 Ne-Yo’s friend seems to have gotten her blinged-out hand caught in her hair. Ne-Yo keeps singing because they’re on a tight schedule.
0:27 Pitbull does some product placement for Voli vodka. His companion does some product placement for not really doing anything important in a music video.
0:32 Nayer comes strutting along in an outfit that clearly shows she’s a cheerleader for an intergalactic sports team.
0:35 Pitbull makes his trademark sneer that he is the hottest thing on this and several other planets.
0:40 Some woman with perfectly-applied lipstick is watching things play out on a network of security cameras. She probably has trust issues, but we’ll worry about that later.
0:46 Pitbull and Nayer start doing a dance that prominently displays her rocket-ship breasts and his interesting choice of choreography.
0:50 Ne-Yo’s friend still has her hand tangled. But she’s smiling, so she might have a slight bondage fetish.
0:53 Security Girl is watching a monitor where Pitbull looks amazingly like Max Headroom from back in the day.
0:57 Some happy, anonymous people appear to be heading up some fancy stairs toward a bordello on an upper floor.
1:00 Pitbull auditions for one of the “Men In Black” sequels.
1:10 Very brief appearance by Rae Dawn Chong.
1:17 Shot of party reveler being eaten alive by her own hair while her drunken friends just stand there and watch.
1:27 Pitbull and… one of the 4,000 women in this video… standing on a staircase and either discussing world politics or about to have sex.
1:33 Security Girl is unhappy about the politics of dancing on the stairs.
1:39 Ne-Yo on yet another staircase, singing. No sign of his little friends from the ginormous elevator. Maybe they went off to make their own video.
1:47 Security Girl fiddling with more of her cryptic devices. Starting to not care for her. She needs to get up and do a line dance or something.
1:54 Nayer, her tightly-bound twins, and some more bottles of the Voli vodka that apparently paid for this video shoot.
2:01 Pitbull appears to be playing “rock, paper, scissors” with himself.
2:08 Afrojack finally makes his first appearance, so he must have been late that day.
2:13 Pitbull and Ne-Yo appear to be the only males on a dance floor packed with women. Are they at a really progressive convent?
2:17 Female Extra #2,652 and her jacked-up hair does some product placement with a Kodak camera.
2:23 Confused dancer thinks she’s in Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” video.
2:27 Another dancer gets her arm caught between her legs.
2:35 Afrojack helpfully points the way to the bathrooms.
2:45 A UFO lands in the background. People keep dancing.
3:03 Pitbull is back to doing that revivalist preacher thing.
3:15 Security Girl is still watching. Completely over her. Even her lipstick looks bored.
3:19 Both Ne-Yo and Pitbull are stunned by the acting ability of Nayer’s bongos.
3:24 Nayer in a Pit-Yo sandwich. Hold the mayo.
3:29 Security Girl (I think, hard to tell when she’s not fondling a video camera) marches up to Pitbull and tries to strangle him with his expensive tie.
3:35 When Pitbull survives, she decides to just dance around and have sex with him instead.
3:47 Where are Ne-Yo’s hands and why is he smiling like that?
3:52 Requisite shot with everybody waving their hands in the air. The UFO is still in the background, people still don’t care.
3:59 Creepy shot of Victorian stairwell that makes me think of Mia Farrow giving birth to the spawn of Satan. This is probably not what the producers intended.
4:04 Several jump shots of Pitbull taking off his glasses and looking very stern. Are we about to get in trouble for not taking out the trash? (Oh wait, the trash is still dancing behind him, so that can’t be it.)
4:12 The music has gotten very mellow and suddenly Pitbull is standing outside, possibly on a roof of some kind, watching the sun either rise or set. (I’m sure the sun will do whatever he pays it to do.)
4:21 We’re in a long shot, and the camera pulls back to let us see a giant billboard featuring Pitbull in a Kodak advertisement. Pitbull might be guilty of a lot of things, but subtlety isn’t one of them. Fade to black.
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