And here we go back to the early 80’s, when
an amazing number of English new-wave bands consisted of very pale people
wearing alarming makeup and hair that had been styled with a pitchfork. Ah,
memories…
We start out with
the drummer kicking things off, wearing an outfit indicating he just left his
day job, one where he is a chef in a trendy restaurant that will close within
two months. Cut to lead singer Mike with his alarming, upswept hairdo that has
more volume than some of the smaller countries in Europe, back to the drummer,
and finally to the two guitar players standing in the middle of what we quickly
learn is a rotating stage. The fact that the stage is constantly moving might explain
some of the wackiness to follow, but I think drugs are still the underlying
axis of evil here.
The one blond
guitar player looks like he could have been in the Wang Chung band if only he had listed the right things on his
resume, and the brunette player made a seriously bad decision with his eyewear.
Even at the time, when all of us cool-kid wannabees were wearing outrageous
things because we were desperate for attention and we were drunk, I was still
stunned by seeing the enormous pink sunglasses on this guy. Perhaps Nancy
Reagan was watching this video when she came up with the “Just Say No” slogan.
The stage
continues to spin for a bit, making sure that we’ve been properly introduced to
all the band members, and someone not
making sure to place the surrounding disco mirrors so that we wouldn’t see the
camera every time we twirled past it. Of course, this was the early days of
MTV, when everything was experimental, and that experiment did not include
black people or their music.
Oh wait, now we
have the first shot of singer Mike standing in front of several mirrors that
replicate him and his hair in interesting ways. Initially this is very
exciting, and we all applauded appropriately back in the day. But eventually we
will lurch into overkill with the reflections, and you will want to destroy the
mirrors with the will of your mind.
Brief shot of
Mike looking down at his keyboard like he has no idea what it is, even though
he’s supposed to be playing the thing. (Dude, you’ve really got to learn to
take your drugs in the right order, this was basic 80’s party etiquette.) Cut
to Mike back with the multiple mirrors, and we get our first shot of multiple
drag queens. Okay, there are only two of them, and they are supposed to represent
the “girl like you” that Mike never thought he would meet. But the mirrors?
They jack things up.
At first, the
girls and their trash-bag outfits don’t want anything to do with Mike, and they
march away in formation. But they do pause to look back at us during the “hypnotize”
bit of the lyrics, so we can see laser beams shooting out of their eyes. For
me, this bit of unpleasantness would be a date-ender, but I suppose I can
appreciate the laser beams since they will one day allow you to have your gall
bladder removed without invasive surgery.
More extended
shots of the band spinning on the revolving stage (I can still see the camera,
folks) and another close-up of the pink sunglasses that only Yoko Ono or the
French edition of Vogue would promote.
Then we cut to Mike and one of the Drag Girls trying to overpower his makeup
with hers in front of the mirrors. Mike staggers around for a little bit and
tries to weakly paw at one of the mirrors like it’s an exit door while singing “couldn’t
get away”. We get another close-up of one of the Drag Girls, with her
brick-size eye-shadow letting us know that she means business.
More pink
sunglasses.
Longish scene
with Mike playing the keyboards and looking absolutely terrified of us. Or the
fact that if he moves around too much the shellac on his hair might break. But
he’s a trooper, and he keeps singing, wailing the words about the “aurora
borealis” coming into view, and then he looks up. Like he can see the sky while
in a mirror warehouse. Quick shot of one of the Drag Girls, her expression
indicating that she has more important clients to dominate later and we need to
get this thing moving.
Quick shot of
both Drag Girls marching at us in formation, and I don’t think they want anyone
to be happy.
More shots of
Mike and both girls in front of those mirrors, with him still trying to escape
without any real dedication to the effort. (They’re only cheap-ass mirrors,
man, just knock one of them over.) Thankfully, we cut to the Drummer Chef doing
one of his solos, and there’s nothing like insistent percussion to take your
mind off of things. As the music gets more lively and guitar-based, instead of
makeup-based, we get to see pink flames burning at the bottom of the screen.
Right under the guitar player with the wretched pink glasses. Symbolism, much?
Brief shot of the
Drag Girls indicating that they don’t appreciate the sudden prominence of the
guitars or the low-budget special effects. This inspires them to march toward
the camera in defiance of all things not about them.
Back to the
rotating stage, because such a thing probably cost a lot of money when Margaret
Thatcher and her intimidating hair were in power, and they might as well get
their money’s worth with the shoot. Mike is still playing the keyboards in a
passive-aggressive manner, we can still see the camera, and the guitar players
have not moved from the middle of the spinning wheel, afraid that if they do so
they will be hurled closer to the Trash-Bag Tarts who learned makeup
application from a brick-layer with a trowel.
Another long
scene with Mike (who may also know the brick-layer) and his vibrant red shirt
and power hair riding the carousel. He does seem to be a bit more confident
now, so he might have gotten his sea legs, but he still keeps closing his eyes
more often than he should and his movements are very jerky. (People should only
look like this when they are on the witness stand about a questionable
homicide, not when they are making a music video.) Oh wait, he seems to have
picked up an extra dance move, where he makes his hand look like a claw and
attacks the keyboard like an outtake from Nosferatu.
And we’re back to
the Hall of Mirrors, with Mike submissively not really trying to escape from
the Max Factor Twins. (This is getting a little old. Somebody just needs to
become somebody else’s bitch so we can be done with this part.) Oh great, now
the other members of the band have joined them, with all four guys unable to
overpower two women wearing so much makeup that they can barely hold their
heads up. (And still, no one thinks about just knocking over a mirror and
heading to a pub for a pint or two.)
We finally head
into the last bit of the song, with another appearance of the low-tech pink
flames (hey, maybe that’s the stage name for the Drag Girls!) because the
guitars start wailing again. Brief shot of Mike and his keyboard being over it
all, another visit with the Chef Drummer who really just wants to get back in
the kitchen and baste something, and another helping of the pink sunglasses to
keep us awake at night.
Final shot is of
Mike and his hair glaring at the camera.
He’s either really tired of spinning in a circle for hours, or he’s
upset about the upcoming lawsuit where a judge will have to decide if he or
Alannah Currie from the Thompson Twins owns the rights to their shared
hairstyle…
Click Here to Watch
this Video on YouTube.
Good stuff, hey what were the actual names of the two girls?
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