Okay, folks, except for a little intro bit
where people appear to be dissatisfied after a sexual encounter, this is mostly
snippets of concert footage with no real story. So we’ll have to do the timestamp
bit. Here we go…
0:04 Random shot
of an alarm clock from 1938.
0:07 Gratuitous
shot of Bret Michael’s nipples. (They later file a class action lawsuit for
their share of the profits made from this video.)
0:15 Awkward shot
of Bret’s armpit. (Checking that off
the bucket list.)
0:19 Unflattering
shot of Bret’s bed partner, with an expression that she is clearly unhappy
about something. (Probably the sports bra that she unwisely chose to wear
during the presumed sexual encounter.)
0:24 Who has more
hair in this scene? Press “A” for Bret and “B” for unnamed nymphet.
0:32 Bret’s
crotch, because a house is not a home until you’ve seen something like that.
0:37 A band member
that is only staying awake to finish his cigarette.
0:42 Kesha?
0:46 Shot of
nymphet’s butt. Why does she insist on wearing clothing that cannot possibly be
comfortable? Those panties have got to be from the Spanish Inquisition.
0:53 Brett playing
his guitar all alone on a stage that appears to be littered with empty condom
packets. (Seriously, what else could those things be?)
0:59 Somebody
wearing a hat but no shirt throws a green towel in anger. The towel will later
seek therapy.
1:04 That’s a
seriously big mouth right there, sure is.
1:13 I believe two
members of the band are playing hopscotch together. Not sure.
1:18 Somebody has
the Heimlich Maneuver performed on them, possibly against their will.
1:25 How can one
person’s hair contain that much sweat? That could be another possible source of
renewable energy.
1:32 A proposed
new Muppet that was abandoned during the design phase.
1:40 The couture
in this scene did not receive a stamp of approval from Vogue.
1:49 Random butt
crack, plumber not involved.
1:50 A young
George Michael on the left, bad hairdo
in the middle, and steroid abuser on the right.
2:10 Somebody
driving really fast on a rain-drenched highway. Nothing bad can happen here.
2:16 More nipples.
2:19 Nifty bit
where band members toss guitars across the stage. Just like a high school drill
team, only completely not.
2:24 And another
crotch shot, this one involving festive leather pants and a special camera lens
that makes things seem enormously big.
2:29 Bret
apparently hates chalkboards, and shows his displeasure by dousing it with the
remnants of his cocktail. The chalkboard later sues for damages, and somebody
ends up having to sell a house to settle the lawsuit.
2:25 Band member
is beating the hell out of the stage with his guitar. People paid good money in
the 80’s to see such a thing happen. Reagan was President. You do the math.
2:41 Daryl Hannah
after a really bad bender.
2:46 More sweat cascading
off the drummer guy. Shouldn’t he speak to a doctor about that?
2:53 Foot injury
of some kind. But adult beverages are on hand. It’s all good.
3:16 Daryl Hannah
breeds with rejected Muppet character, creating Exhibit A. Authorities study
this for decades.
3:28 The one guy
is still beating the hell out of that guitar. This does not appear to be a
healthy relationship. Later, Dr. Phil will speak with the guitar and tell it to
man up.
3:43 Flowers
shoved in a plastic gallon of water, an open beer, a hair dryer, a guitar pick,
a tiny towel that couldn’t dry anything, somebody’s belt, a can of Cheez Whiz,
a musical instrument with startling pink accents, and what might be either a
water fountain or an awkward bidet. I have no idea what this scene is trying to
accomplish.
3:54 No one should
ever wish for their hair to behave in this manner. For any reason. It cannot be
justified.
3:59 Wait, did
Poison perform on Broadway at some point? What’s up with that group bow?
4:04 Stripper pole
on the stage. Need I say any more?
4:14 Star-spangled
spandex. (Did I mention it was the 80’s?)
4:26 Debbie Harry
on a bender, smoking a cigarette while Ross from “Friends” bandages her finger
and wears an odd hat.
4:36 Bret leaves
the stage, and begins prepping for his season on Celebrity Apprentice twenty years later. Where his hair will once
again have to compete for best volume, this time with Donald Trump…
Click Here to Watch
this Video on YouTube.
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